Where My Heart Is

This past Sunday was such a busy one for us. By the afternoon, everyone had things to do, and I got to play the “Mom-taxi” game. After dropping my boys and a neighbor off at Awana, and hubby and our daughter went to their afternoon activity, it was just me and a sleeping baby boy.

I suddenly found myself  bored! It was then that I became so aware of just how much of “me” is wrapped into my family. I pour everything I possibly can into them, trying to be the best wife and friend possible to my husband, trying to nurture my kids and be a good mom for them, while trying to help them learn from everyday experiences just what they will need to know in order to survive and thrive as they grow up and one day enter into the world without me and my husband.  I make mistakes just like every mom does, even the moms who refuse to admit they make them. My children and my marriage are one of my deepest passions. So many things I want to impart from so many experiences I have endured, hoping and praying they won’t experience horrible things they will have to learn from, as well.

As I started driving, I had to pull into one of the few secluded parking lots around here to change my baby’s diaper and feed him, and I thought about when our daughter was a baby. How my life was so entangled with hers. I was so busy, and it was a new thing to have to surrender things I wanted and had to do to such a small person who depended on me for everything. How difficult that seemed at the time!

When I had finished taking care of my baby, I drove around to pass the time. I then started realizing that it would be one of the last times I would drive around here. I remembered when I had first arrived here, and the first time I saw a web created by the infamous banana spider. I looked at the beauty of what has just become my normal background environment, and realized there just is no other place on earth that looks like this place. The clouds are amazing, the trees unique to this area, and different places that hold other memories of my own military service.

Everything that I have here now has my heart attached.

We have some major, major for us anyway, changes coming up. It’s time to leave what we know as our home now.  This has become home for us all. My heart is in the sunrise, the rain, the ocean, the trees, the quirky roads, the landmarks… and it is going to hurt to be separated from that part of my heart. But, the good news is: my heart is also invested in my children, and we have so many fun memories of this place, I don’t feel like I’m leaving even part of my heart behind.

I really love being a mom. ❤

2 thoughts on “Where My Heart Is

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