God’s Will is the goal— live as peacefully as possible with others.
God’s Will?? I Think Not!
Apparently there is this school of thought, some believe supported by Scripture, that being the unfortunate victim of abuse is “God’s Will”. Obviously they don’t understand how wrong of a conclusion they have come to. Nor do they get the depth abuse reaches into the spirit, the soul and the foundation of someone deeply traumatized […]
Words Matter– Spoken and Unspoken
Tearing down is for strongholds, not for people. Not ever for people.
Awoken
Have you ever told the truth, then had to try to prove you were telling the truth, about something that no one wanted to believe? I have. Have you ever been called a liar by people who knew you were telling the truth, to others who did not? And the others not only believed you […]
One Size Fits… Um No
I confess– I have a tendency to be a serial unasked-for advice giver. I can’t help it. I know others can glean from my experience-gained wisdom. Right? Except that’s never how it’s taken. If I’m honest, it’s also not how I take it from others, either, even though I try to be polite and respectful. […]
What I Wish Some Understood About Sexual Abuse Survivors
We live in a world full of people with as many backgrounds as there are people. No two are completely alike. In this mix, there are abusers, abuse survivors and the unaware. The category I fit into is abuse survivor. I was molested as a child, harassed as a teen and young adult, and raped […]
What’s Sexism Got To Do With It?
What does every woman want, universally? Is it to be a “sex symbol”? To be loved by everyone? Is it to be known as the prettiest? The friendliest? How about the smartest? On the surface, every one of these may fit. But, what’s at the heart of it? I believe it’s simple acknowledgement of […]
Survivors Are The Strong Heartbeat Of Our Nation
I am a survivor. I survived childhood trauma, dealt with it and moved on. -Taught me how to be a better parent for my kids. I survived life with a mentally ill parent. -Taught me the importance of trusting God for who would father my own children. I survived nearly dying from alcohol poisoning. -Taught […]
Happy Birthday, United States Air Force– What Is There To Even Celebrate Now?
As a veteran and military spouse with 22 years of Air Force experience, what can I say about my beloved branch of service on its 69th birthday? I was proud the day I stepped out of MEPS with a promised new, exciting yet completely unknown future. At 24, after a failed marriage to a man […]
Fighting An Invisible Enemy
I have an invisible enemy. I’ve fought against it for as long as I can remember. This enemy does not fight fair. It hides in the shadows. I have exhausted myself many times throughout my lifetime trying to fight back, but it dodges every retaliatory jab. My enemy catches me off-guard, though less often […]
The Spiritual Damage Of Anorexia
Fasting is an important part of our growing relationship with God. When we fast unto God, we deny our flesh to set aside our physical wants and needs temporarily to focus on seeking God.
Dark Reflection: Looking At The Painful Past
I hate looking at my past. I hate remembering. I have set out so many times to write “my story”, but something always blocks me. I think it might be “this” me hating the “old” me. I don’t want to look at it through my memories. Why would you? Today my youngest was playing with […]
Why My Defensiveness Is A Reflex Reaction For Me With Some
Last night, I had the most wonderful time having dinner, talking, then just listening to a dear friend. I learned so much about her, things I never would have guessed! It’s even easier to see why she is such a beautiful, loving, sincerely kind woman of God. As is the usual case with me, […]
Why I Am This Way, And How It Applies To My Dating Daughter
I grew up a fighter. At a time when women were belittled– not taken seriously while harassed for wanting to break out of the “norm” set for us by men– I decided not to just accept that, but to push past it. I have dealt with that issue head-on for many years now. From […]
I Once Was Not A Christian
I have had a lot of experiences in my lifetime. Way too many to write about here. I’ll break it down into two parts: Before Christ and After Christ. I’ll even throw in some Why I CHOSE Christ, for added tangibility. So, BC: I was born into a family that loved me, but that love […]
God Loves Divorcées
I get it. God hates divorce. Divorced people also hate divorce. It’s ugly. It’s destructive. It tears apart what God put together. It turns a peaceful union into a war zone. Moses gave permission for divorce because mens hearts had hardened against their wives. A hardened heart makes way for cruelty and abuse. Moses was […]
One Anothering
My husband and I got into an argument early this morning. Which, in all honesty, is an uncommon, even a rare thing for us. We both had had a long night for different reasons, both feeling tired and some stress. He was snippy with me, I was short-fused because of that and the long night… […]
Depression IS A Thing
Worth
So What?
This is what my insides feel like every time I try to write my story. Gut-wrenched. I describe that feeling to my husband as killer moths flapping around in my tummy. Every time I tell a portion of my story it feels like someone reached inside of me and yanked a piece of me out. […]
Exposed
I hate my past. I hate the parts of my personal story that involve my past. I don’t like who I was, I don’t like what I lived through. I abhor my reactions and choices. I despise where I had no choice or that I […]
What’s In An Opinion?
I have always liked people. Anyone who really knows me, knows it’s kind of my nature to try to put others before myself. Sometimes I’m clumsy about it, often I appear to just be trying too hard. OK– yeah, I try too hard. Always I just want others to know they […]
9/11: 13 Years Later
My daughter asked me what today’s date is, and as I glanced at my calendar and told her, the date slapped me across my consciousness. September 11. Wow. So much significance in that date, and yet, this year for the first time, it caught me off my guard. 13 years ago, when our country was […]
Embracing Pain and Fear
Do you know Who you belong to? Do you believe on Him so deeply, that no amount of pain or suffering will manipulate you into relenting and turning away?
The Truth About My Mom-In-Law
The strengths of my mother-in-law stand out so clearly for me. She has been a wonderful example of being strong, courageous and faithful. Sensitive Traditional Righteous Observant Noteworthy Gentle Concise Outspoken Unrelenting Respectable Amazing Giving Encouraging Overjoyed Unique Smart Fabulous Ardent Intuitive Thoughtful […]
My Mom Is One Of A Kind
The things I learned from my mom are perseverance, strength, wisdom and loyalty. My mom is: Practical Economically minded Resourceful Supportive Effective Valuable Excellent Rational Authentic Needed Courteous Encouraging Strong-willed Tenacious Realistic Engaging Necessary Generous Thoughtful Humorous Wise Intentional Selfless Daring Outgoing Magnanimous Logical Original Yielded to God Ambitious […]
Before and After: A Matter of Perspective
It’s been 2 months since my dad’s passing, wow, to the day. My timing isn’t planned, just lucky coincidence. This picture accurately represents something unexpected for me. My dad is smiling here. He was happy because my husband was able to visit him. When my dad was alive, it […]
Missed
I’ve said goodbye to an extraordinary amount of people during my lifetime. So many, I’ve lost count. Different phases, stages, careers and places I’ve moved on from. This past year I’ve lost 4 people near to my heart, to death: 2 sisters in Christ that I admired deeply, my dad, and my middle school music mentor […]
Individually One Flesh
Mark 10:8 “and the two shall become one flesh; so they are no longer two, but one flesh.” (NASB) Marriage is the most unique relationship between humans. When a man and woman marry, it takes time to learn how to live together. How to agree and disagree. Whether or […]
Bondage Gospel: Good News?
Mark16:14-15 (NLT) Still later he appeared to the eleven disciples as they were eating together. He rebuked them for their stubborn unbelief because they refused to believe those who had seen him after he had been raised from the dead. “And then he told them, “Go into all the world and preach the Good News […]
United We Stand
God has sure been stirring up a lot of things in my heart and thoughts lately. One of the recurring issues I deal with is that I am still missing out on a father figure for my life. I understand that Scripture teaches us that God is our Heavenly Father, and He has never disappointed […]
Love Is Tough
Our American culture has adopted this practice of Tough Love when we see others doing stuff we don’t like. I can see how this has been helpful in some situations. Some people are hurtful towards others, and destructive forces for themselves and others. Sometimes we need some kind of kick in the pants to wake […]
When I Say “Food”, You Say…
It’s hard to stop pre-thinking about what I am about to read, as I blog-hop. So, let’s all just take a moment to close our eyes, and clear the thoughts ready to pounce as the words here are read. I’ve been thinking about food today, and medical problems, and possible connections between them. I’ve had […]
Are You a Riverbed of Living Water?
A few weeks ago, my husband prayed over me, and God revealed to him how things often are for me. A scene played in his mind of a deer going from riverbed to riverbed, finding them all dry. I cried as he shared this, in awe that God would reveal something so deeply personal with […]
Being An Enabler Is Good
Isaiah 57:14 “And it will be said, “Build up, build up, prepare the way, Remove every obstacle out of the way of My people.”” We’ve all heard the phrase and warning, “Don’t be an enabler“. I grew up thinking there is only one definition and only one way to enable: to allow, encourage or make […]
Heard
You know what it’s like to have something to say, but you just can’t be heard, right? Like at a rock concert , trying to talk over the music. Or when you have advice for someone whose shoes you have been in, but they just won’t stop and listen. I have had some medical issues […]
“Don’t Apologize”
I’ve spent most of my lifetime apologizing for who I was and who I am, for simply being here, maybe in someone’s way, or saying something that might have given the wrong impression or just didn’t get my point across. I’ve apologized and been completely introspective, believing something was wrong with me, because someone was […]
To Know Me Is To ______ Me
1Corinthians 13:12 “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully just as I also have been fully known.” (NASB) I have a jumble of thoughts built up. Hopefully I can get them all out and place them in good […]
Who Reads This, Anyway?
Since no one really reads my blog, I can pretty much say what I want to, and not many will know, none will care. I feel sick to my stomach. I feel like crying. I want to yell. I want to find a way to shut down the avenues connecting to my past that keep […]
The Girl No One Really Knew
When I imagine people from my past talking about me, it usually goes something like this: “Remember that girl in school, the one who__________(fill in the blank)?” “Yeah. I hated her.” “Remember J…? You know, the one that….” “Oh yeah, she was stuck-up!” “That girl who… You know, the one who was always….?” “No. I don’t […]
Being Falsely Accused
“‘You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.” (Deut 5:20 ) Don’t take hold of a misunderstanding, giving it no opportunity to be resolved or cleared up, and instead tell others about it as if it were the truth. Misunderstandings happen. I have often hoped for grace from others when I have either misunderstood […]
What My Mom Helped Me Learn
My mom has helped me learn some things that I now have the opportunity to purposefully make sure my daughter gets from me. 1) Always have her back. Even if I don’t agree with her or she doesn’t handle things the way I would, never make her feel as though she has to deal with […]
Set-Up To Fail
Have you watched the show “Everybody Loves Raymond“? In the episode where Marie, the mother-in-law, teaches Debra, the daughter-in-law, how to make meatballs, Marie purposely hides the wrong spice behind a label of the correct spice, and they end up tasting horrible. Debra was made to look incompetent. We laugh, but it has a ring […]
When Trust is Gone
Trust does not come easy for me. As a young girl, I searched for someone I could trust to bare my soul to. It was years of being alone and afraid before I finally found someone who would listen, and not repeat what I told them, who didn’t treat me nice to my face while […]
Reflex Defense Mechanisms – The Ambitions of a Survivor
Years ago when my husband and I were shopping in a little store on Okinawa after having been at a Church service, David accidentally dropped his huge, heavy Bible on my foot. Before I even realized what was happening, I swung my arm around and popped him a good one on his back. I was […]
Getting Our Attention, and Missed Opportunities
If you have children, then you understand what I am saying when I tell you my mind is exhausted from the attention grabbing attempts of my kids. I have 4, and they all want my attention, they even compete for it at times. When my dog climbs into my lap, my 2 year old will […]
You’re Almost There…. Why Did You Stop?
Have you ever tried to talk someone through something, blindly? Just like a blind person has to rely on other senses, talking someone through something you can’t see also requires the same. A blind person relies more on their sense of smell, their sense of touch, and their sense of hearing than a seeing person […]
My Dad (A Soggy Account)
Well, what can I say about my dad? Where do I start? I guess I will introduce him to you. He is James Roy Bennett Jr. He is the oldest of 3 children, the only boy, and both his parents have passed away. He’s a musician (plays/played the guitar, sings, and wrote his own songs, […]
How Have You Grown?
I was inspired to write this by this blog: http://thingstoadore.wordpress.com/2013/03/15/and-before-you-know-it/ There is nothing like becoming a mom and being responsible for the lives of our little ones who are so vulnerable and completely dependent on us, to make us both grow, and grow up. I became a mom at 29. I had almost 3 decades […]
Irregular Frustration With Realistic Expectations
In the civilian, real world, when you go to the doctor and get told you need surgery, you schedule the date, make the necessary preparations, work things out with your boss and loved ones when you schedule the date, and you go get your surgery done. In the military, under normal circumstances, you discuss things […]
Jemtree's Heart 