Month: May 2022

introspection

Over Here, Over There— Far Removed

jem

These trees look like they want to be somewhere else, but their roots are planted too deep for them to leave.

If I could see my heart right now, I think it might somehow resemble this!

My roots are planted deeply, firmly into the ground here.

But my heart— my heart wants to go. It wants to take me back to family.

I got a call today, letting me know my oldest cousin passed away a few hours ago.

I am so far from my family. I won’t be able to attend the funeral.

No one expects me to, I’ve not been able to for any, except my dad’s a few years ago.

There are things, situations and people my heart is trying so hard to pull my body in the physical direction of.

Too many obstacles. Too many things and reasons not to.

Now I have to just not allow guilt to set itself on me.

Sometimes I wish God would transport me like He did to Phillip (Acts 8:39-40). Of course, my reasons are selfish. No matter how well intentioned my heart seems— it’s all just selfish.

On the surface, it may not look like much is going on with me. But deep in the heart of me, a tug of war pulses on, as the events of life ebb and flow.

introspection

Heart of Mary, Mind of Martha

jem

This week I’ve been preparing for a special worship service we have scheduled for tonight.

Sitting here now, attempting to build a difficult puzzle, I’m realizing my thoughts and my heart are kind of all over the place, like my puzzle pieces.

Absolutely not the “attitude of worship” I feel I need to be in for tonight.

Besides changes to the service due a main member being placed into quarantine, there has been extra busy-ness for me this week.

I’m finding it difficult to just rest my mind that is cluttered on so many unimportant things, just on Jesus.

The picture I chose at the beginning shows so much how I’d define me at this moment.

The setting reminds me of being in the high places. It seems so peaceful. Yet instead of soaking it in, I’m striving at something unnecessary, not interacting with the environment around me at all. I’m making things harder, not appreciating God’s Spirit within me.

My mind is working so hard, exhausting the rest of me. It isn’t listening when I tell it to quiet itself— to be still and know…

In my heart, I know I need to set everything aside and just focus my attention onto Jesus— Who He is, how He is, why He’s so necessary to me.

To just worship Him in spirit and in truth.

My mind is scattered in many directions, like the puzzle in front of me now.

In the end, each piece forms a complete picture.

Each of my thoughts, with their jags of emotions, depth of colors and partial images should form the complete picture of Jesus in me— if I reign them in and put them together correctly, as I grab hold of the heart and mind of Christ.

While the chaos of thoughts, concerns and mental “todo’s” get under control, I’ve started to feel that peace. It’s not swirling around me— it just is.

It is always there.

I just get lost in the unimportant things that need to be taken captive unto Christ Jesus.

He is worthy of my purposeful, intentionally focused attention. Everything else is not.

introspection

Be Anxious For Nothing— But How??

jem

I feel stressed.

While this isn’t a new thing, the intensity of this feeling is more than usual.

So, while I know the Bible instructs me to “Be anxious for nothing…” I am struggling right now with that very issue.

Circumstances far beyond my control.

Worry over family and friends.

Plowing a new course for my future career.

Weight loss and emotional healing bringing old buried memories and reactions to the overly-sensitive surface…

Anxiety hasn’t been an obstacle to me in decades. But there it is, staring me down.

Deep breath in, let it out slowwwww…

God is already there, plowing my path for me.

He’s got me.

He’s always got me.

I can do this.

One step at a time.

Breathing through the waves of panic that threaten to soak through my resolve.

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7 NKJ

Instead of giving in to anxiety, frustration or fear, I will pray. I will thank God for everything, because without Him, I couldn’t appreciate the good that comes from painful, hard times.

God has a purpose, God has a plan— for me. He will never fail me, He will never abandon me.

My first prayer is for God to help me surrender all that anxiety and everything tangled up in it, to Him.

All of it.

There is no sense holding on to that. It does not contribute anything beneficial to my life or my emotions.

Time to step away from the anxiety, and let God’s peace flood my mind, my heart, my body and my spirit.

🎵 “All to Jesus, I surrender all to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust him,
in his presence daily live.
I surrender all, I surrender all,
all to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.“🎵