December 2015 – Jemtree's Heart

We became members of a local church just before my husband received a new assignment. It’s not the first time that has happened to us, but this time we had begun thinking about possibly retiring to the area we were in. So, as is often the case with our family situation, we switched gears after just 2 years at that place, and began trying to prepare for a move to another country.

It’s full of challenges, and this move was our worst ever. I am still so thankful that 4 ladies gave of themselves and helped me! I could not have done it without them!

But, what I don’t get is why we are so easily forgotten whenever we have to move on.

We gave what we could of ourselves: our time, talents and money.

We poured out our hearts as we worshipped with many we found a connection with, beyond just our common beliefs.

Yet now it feels almost as if we no longer exist to many of the people we formed relationships with or just simply grew to respect. There have been limited efforts to stay in contact with us. Only a handful of people talk with us. This is a very large congregation!

Truth be told, my closest friends are Christians I met not within church walls or activities. Only a very few are ones I attended church meetings with or served the Lord with in some way.

That speaks volumes to me! It makes me sad and frustrated. Too many times people are content to put the burden of staying in touch on me.

Am I not worth the effort?

The Body of Christ, is made up of many parts, even moving parts like those of us that have no choice but to move away. I believe fellowship should represent the Eternal relationship we will always have with God and that common understanding of Eternity.

Oneness.

Continued relationship.

I’ve hit a point where it’s nearly too difficult to give of myself over and over, to figure out where or how I can fit in to the new while nursing the wounds of being forgotten or pushed out of mind, or just really, really missing the old.

Often a congregation can be so introverted and focused on their programs and busyness they miss the point of being part of The Body of Christ.

Why must I make all of the effort to connect and maintain any friendships? The fight I’ve had in me for this, is dying down. Why? Because the effort is most often one-sided.

I have discovered I can meet with others online, I can minister to others online, and I can be ministered to by people like Joyce Meyers, online.

But online doesn’t meet every need. It’s just a way to extend fellowship and ministry.

The Body of Christ is in the wireless world, as well.

It doesn’t end just because a member moves away.

We have all heard the sarcastic jokes about how girls are so difficult to understand. If we are honest we have either told a few ourselves, or agreed with them.

But, are women really that difficult to understand?

Being a woman myself, I feel qualified to answer this.

Flowers, chocolates, jewelry, a spontaneous trip somewhere, getting us that dress we have been eyeing as we do our online Windows shopping– believe it or not, they all have something in common.

Being valued. Being remembered. Attention to the details that matter to us being acknowledged. Being that priority in thought and heart.

Not out of guilt. Nope. If guilt is the motivator then you have lost.

It’s not the amount of money that makes something valuable to a woman. No, really, it isn’t. It’s the motivation that created the desire to buy or make and then give the gift. That is what women most care about. What is your motivation for what you do, say, or give to your wife or girlfriend?

Behind the motivation, your heart towards her is revealed.

Women are sensitive to that. We do not want gifts, compliments or acknowledgment born out of guilt, manipulation, or stubborn obligation.

Us women, we need to know you are thinking about us. That you are appreciating us. That we, alone, satisfy you. Show us that an evening alone with us is enough, it doesn’t make you cringe or fall asleep, or day-dream about when we let you go play Fallout 4. Let us see first hand that holding our hand satisfies you more than that game controller ever does, or that iPad, or even that drink or cigarette. Put your phone on silent and look into the eyes of your special lady, without thinking about all you need to be looking into your phone’s screen to check. Dazzle us with your full attention so we know you think highly of us, you are interested in our point of view– that you value how we are different from you.

That is how we measure how much you value us. Not by how much money you spend on a gift. That you would willingly spend as much money as possible to show that you value us even more than the cost of what we have our eye on.

Make it a point to notice what we have our eye on.

We need to know we are the most valuable part of you.

When you met us, you craved our attention, you dropped what you were doing when possible to spend time with us.

You showed us we were important.

After becoming confident you had “won” our hearts, a shift happened– you began telling us we are important. Not wanting to be “needy”, we’ve adapted and accepted, until pretty soon that’s all we have.

That becomes our value. How much we adapt, accept, overlook…

This is not at all what women really want. It’s definitely not what we need. It does not satisfy or make us happy.

All too often we become part of the background of your attention or memory.

An after thought.

The least in your list of priorities.

There are too many things competing for your attention, and your affection– those things the woman in your life most deserves.

Isn’t she worth more to you than you often make known to her?