Years ago when my husband and I were shopping in a little store on Okinawa after having been at a Church service, David accidentally dropped his huge, heavy Bible on my foot. Before I even realized what was happening, I swung my arm around and popped him a good one on his back. I was so embarrassed! He and I burst out laughing as I apologized profusely. However: the Okinawan people in the store did not share our humorous moment, and they looked pretty shocked which added to my embarrassment.
I have quite a few, what I call, reflex defense mechanisms (rfd’s). After a variety of tough life situations, I figured out how to adapt, and in most cases, overcome by using these. I also have quite a few that I tamed over time. For the longest time, I had a sharp tongue that, at the first sign of danger or trouble, swung into action and sliced with depth and precision. Now, I do my best to speak encouragement, healing and positive words into the lives around me.
In another constant rfd, more than just a reaction or reflex, I troubleshooted every possible situation I could think of and figured out how I would/could protect myself, stand up for myself, and escape. There wasn’t anyone to rescue me in my scenarios, just me frantically figuring out how to escape and survive. That was a result of PTSD.
I didn’t listen to what I viewed as unwanted advice, (because I already had it all figured out, you know). I knew what was best for me… God has also tamed that in me. He showed me in His Word how being stubborn stifled His Holy Spirit speaking into my life. He also showed me how many of my rfd’s kept me from receiving His help. If I thought I knew better than God… well, I learned the importance of listening to Godly advice from others, whether I think I need to hear it or not. I don’t want to shut out God’s Spirit speaking into my life, in any way, ever.
While I believed those rfd’s kept me safe, they didn’t, even though I certainly prepared for much of the worst!
I didn’t know that I could count on God to rescue me as I called upon the Name of Jesus. He rushed in like a flood, made a clear path for me to safely walk, and prepared a new future for me.
Now, I have peace of mind. I can, and I do, trust God to protect me, to help me survive, and if I don’t survive I know my soul will be with God for all of eternity. God is my Defender, my Protector, my Provider: He is my Rock. He has my back. He rescued me when I called upon Him, and He delivered me from my old life, made the way for me to live free and peaceful. Now, no matter what is going on, I have peace that lives inside of me, and I know I can rely on God. What a tremendous difference that has made! God sees ahead of me, behind me, and He sees those blind spots that I’m unaware of. I know that whoever comes up against me will have to answer to God, He will hold all accountable for what has been done to me in my past or will come against me in the future, and I have let go of any need for revenge. I still have some rfd’s I may not even be aware of as God peels back those complex, calloused layers life has helped form. He reveals the hidden ones and removes their trigger points, bringing a healing and a restoration to replace them. I can leave it all in God’s capable Hands.
“That is what the Scriptures mean when they say, “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him.” ” ~New Living Translation