I am writing this as a self-edification, and reminder of what I have found to be positive in my own personal situation. These are the things that have worked for our family. If I didn’t find the positives, I would drown in the misery of all the negatives and uncertainty military life can cause.
It’s no secret that staying married to a military man takes a lot of blood, sweat and tears, some days. It’s WORK! The military lifestyle and environment does not make it an easy task. So, here are some things I have learned over the past 13 years of being married to my military man that have helped us. Maybe others can find encouragement in them as well. 🙂
1) Patience. His life is not his own, just like my life is not my own. He dedicates his life in service to his country, and I dedicate my life in service to him and our children. There isn’t room or time to put myself or anyone else ahead of my husband, children, and military needs. The sooner I gave in to this, the more easily I have found peace in my specific role, as well as my act of service to my family and our country. I have days where I need to smack myself in the head to remember it’s NOT about ME at all, and there is no room in our tiny, old government house for a pity potty.
2) Spoil him when he’s at home. He puts up with more micro-mismanaged, abusive, confused turmoil in one day than most American people ever experience in their lifetime. I spoil him rotten while he’s home with me so he has something kind and loving to look forward to come home to. Keeps him wanting to come home. 😉
3) Treat him like the hero he is, with respect, kindness, understanding and love. Our military husbands are not recognized for their tremendous sacrifices near enough!
4) Make every moment count. The reality is: Something can happen to take him away forever. That is always at the back of my thoughts and understanding. He is an amazing hero fighting against our country’s very real enemies. In light of that fact, being “right” just doesn’t have any significant importance. I never let myself be upset with him when he has to leave. I always let him know, no matter what, he is cherished and will be welcomed home with the openest of arms, and the warmest of love and adoration, as well as an unending supply of hugs and kisses from us all. 😀
5) Make him feel welcome, and help him feel comfortable and relaxed to get his thoughts off of work. He needs to have someplace where work isn’t constantly on his mind, and he can de-stress.
6) Give him time to re-adjust after a deployment or temporary assignment.
7) Listen. He may need to talk, he may just want to talk, so I stop doing whatever my distraction is, clear my thoughts, and give him my full, undivided attention. Granted some days the kids have taken off with my attention span and replaced it with exhaustion, but I give it my best effort, lol.
8 ) Take an interest in what he’s interested in. My husband has so many hobbies and things he’s really good at doing, so it can get kind of exhausting sometimes, but it’s always worth it, and it helps us stay close when he’s away to have those things in common to talk about or do together. It helps us stay involved in each other’s lives. I love being married to my military man.
When I married my husband, I took my vows seriously.
For better or for worse: the military sure can make things hard and worsen a situation at times, whether it's deployments, long work hours including not getting weekends off, or finance screwing up his pay, or many other things unique to the military lifestyle.
For richer or for poorer: Well, no one gets rich, monetary-wise from being in the military. Our government makes sure of that…but, I digress. But, experience wise, we are some of the wealthiest people in the US.