There are a handful of days that I try to make/take time to reflect over my life, to remember where I came from and remind myself of how truly blessed I am. Mother’s Day is one that is significant for me.
20 years ago, I had just emerged out of an abusive first marriage. Emotionally I was weary and spent, physically I was angry and and defensive. I believed I would never marry again, and certainly I didn’t think I would bring children into this world where they would only find pain and suffering. I talked with a close friend about having something permanent done, so I would not even be tempted to have children. I continue to thank God that she talked me out of that, encouraged me that someday I might change my mind, would regret that decision. I thank God that I listened to those important words of wisdom and concern.
18 years ago, my life direction had changed in a drastic way. I had hit the rock bottom of rock bottom, and surrendered everything to God. I could not trust myself to make any sort of rational decision, so I turned to Him, and asked Him where He wanted me to go, what He wanted me to do. After seeking Him, I received confirmation to enlist in the armed forces. On Mother’s Day of 1995 I distinctly remember all of the moms at church being given one red rose . I too was given a red rose. I started to give it back, and a friend said to me, “That isn’t a mistake, it’s a promise from God. One day, you will be a mother.” I began to seek God about a husband of His choosing for me, and started to form a plan to adopt one day if it wasn’t His plan for me to remarry.
14 years ago found me to be pregnant with our beautiful daughter, the fulfillment of 2 promises from God: a daughter and my becoming a mother.
Today I am blessed to have 4 beautiful children. God has blessed me far more than I could have imagined, or dared to hope for. My life is nothing like it was 20 years ago. There is a joy and fulfillment I never believed I would experienced at that time.
I am grateful beyond words.
God took my worth-less-than-nothing life, and He gave it value and meaning nothing else could come close to giving. No career, no amount of hard work or striving could ever compare to the uniqueness and fulfillment each child has given to me.
David and I have discussed the possibility of having one more child, but, we both feel satisfied and, for lack of a better word, done. I reminisced last night on how amazing it felt to have life apart from myself growing within me, how wonderful and different from every other experience that has been. I miss feeling mine and David’s combined flesh and blood growing in me, dancing free from my control, even stretching their limbs against the safety that encased them. There will not be any other experience that can match that.
I truly love and appreciate how God made man and woman to come together to be intimately involved with the continuance of the creation of life. There are few things more Awe-inspiring.
Today, Mother’s Day will include our youngest being dedicated to the Lord. Perfectly timed.
Being a mom is a good and perfect gift from above.