I can’t begin to tell you how God used this song to rescue me, to reach deep into my soul, during one of the most difficult times of my life.
He never let go. He didn’t turn me away. He wasn’t too busy for me.
He saw me.
I don’t think my circumstance had even reached the next portion of this song, but it gave me hope.
“I can see the Light that is coming for the heart that holds on
There will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You
Still I will praise You”
And then, now when I look back— I can recognize I am now walking within that hope, living within it.
My heart is one that has held on. At times, in desperation, and at other times in the dull numbness that traumatic situations tend to cause. There has been an end to deep troubles, and I have been able to praise Him— even when I didn’t see how things could change. But— I believed God could make the changes— if it was His Will to.
It was His Will.
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”John 16:33
His Word never changes.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
Lately I’ve been missing a family type of environment.
Having a group of people to laugh with, cry with, and have things in common with.
Where we have lived for many years is a fluid-like community— people always coming and going, no time to form long-lasting friendships that won’t become distant connections.
Don’t get me wrong— I love where we live. Location isn’t what needs to change for me.
As an introspective person, some of my first thoughts in most situations is to dig around in myself to look for root causes.
This is no different.
So— here I go.
A few years ago, during all the lockdowns and internationally persuaded isolation, I went through one of the mostdifficult times of my whole life.
I’m not new to difficult situations. My entire life has been wrapped with overly complicated things. Being a military spouse in itself is a level of difficult you can only fully understand after experiencing it.
But— a few years ago, a deeper level of difficult hit me hard, knocked the wind out of me and the foundation out from under me— destroyed important things that kept some sort of hope in me alive.
In that situation, I realized— my corner was empty. I had not one person I could go to, that I could bare my soul to.
Thankfully, I have learned that Jesus is the One I always have in my corner.
(Putting a “pin” in that— that’s the happy, perfect ending to this post.
I’m in the middle of it, though.)
Getting back to my thoughts— I had No person.
Then— one very unexpected family member reached out to me and told me if I ever need to talk, he is there to listen.
That is the first time anyone has ever offered that to me— and meant it. That gave me some of the hope back. I don’t know how I could ever talk with him about these things, but just knowing he was willing to reach out— that just made all the difference for me.
Most often, after I get through hard times, I do find people who I can share with to encourage them in their hard times. Sometimes they even let me encourage them. Sadly, some seem to react negatively. One person even told me I intimidated her because I’ve just been through so much, seen so much, experiencedso much…
I can’t help that.
It’s just my life.
Because I’ve just gone through things, fought against them, pushed through so much, (usually alone), I have sincerely striven to be the type of person people can rely on to not have to go through things alone.
More than just about anything, I’ve wanted to be available— to be in the corner when someone who may not have anyone else, needs that.
Because I know what that feels like.
It makes the mountains seem impossible to get past.
But— with someone in our corner, we often move those mountains rather than try to overcome them. They are no longer intimidating.
My husband and I were talking recently about who we felt we could call at 4 am for urgent or emergency needs. What relationships have we formed that could hold up a need to lean on it?
Getting back to my “pin”…
I have learned through trial, error,—even personally devastating circumstances— that Jesus truly is always there.
I have learned that He is my Strength. He is my Fortress. He is my Provider. He is my Shelter in every storm. He is my Counselor.
He is mySavior— in every way, in every situation, in every relationship.
He IS.
He always provides the people who will be the ones for that 4 am call.
He will provide for this need I have for a family type group that I fit in with, that I have things in common with., that will listen and not be intimidated— or offended— when I share my life experiences and what God has done in them and through them.
He will provide a group that is family-like that won’t make fun of and mock the things that mean a great deal to me, to others when they talk about me. Those who won’t shut me out or argue because they don’t agree.
People who enjoy talking with me and listeningto me.
People who sincerely value what I have to say.
Because He’s the One Who has made me realize just how much I need that.
Atunci când burniţa descurajării mă îngrozeşte, fă ca viaţa mea spirituală să înflorească.. fă să dispară ceaţa groasă care îmi învăluie fiinţa întreagă ! Fii Tu Soarele neprihănirii care să strălucească !
Jemtree's Heart 