I don’t believe Scripture teaches us to blame the bad things on God in order to then thank Him to *glorify* Him.
Communication— Let’s Talk About It
God’s Will is the goal— live as peacefully as possible with others.
Be Anxious For Nothing— But How??
I feel stressed. While this isn’t a new thing, the intensity of this feeling is more than usual. So, while I know the Bible instructs me to “Be anxious for nothing…” I am struggling right now with that very issue. Circumstances far beyond my control. Worry over family and friends. Plowing a new course for […]
My Testimony
I’m stepping out of my comfort zone to share my story of what God has done, and is still accomplishing in me. I’ll be honest— I’m recognizing a deep, breath-constricting anxiety as I set out to share this here. I have family that won’t want me to talk about it, some who still don’t even […]
Change— What’s In My “Pocket” Of Life
If you could see my spirit, it might very well look a lot like this. I think mostly scars now, not so many cracks. So many scars are evidence of where God has healed me throughout my lifetime. Wounds that used to fester have been healed by His Word, His kept promises, His love. My […]
My Year Evaluation
Happy New Year— 2022!!! This past year has been a year of lots of t-words for me— transcendence, transition, transformation, timing, and now here is my testimony. There were so many difficulties last year, and I had moments of overwhelming stress. There are things I and others have been seeking God for, on my behalf, […]
Grace and Forgiveness— My Expectations of ALL Christians
The two defining trademarks of Christianity are Grace and Forgiveness.
Believers Meetings
What is the purpose of “church”? I’ve heard church described as a group of sinners. Saved by grace, yes, but emphasis on sinners. If we are people who claim to follow after Jesus, shouldn’t we instead refer to ourselves as repentant sinners saved by grace? Repentant. Having turned away from the sin that has affected […]
God’s Will?? I Think Not!
Apparently there is this school of thought, some believe supported by Scripture, that being the unfortunate victim of abuse is “God’s Will”. Obviously they don’t understand how wrong of a conclusion they have come to. Nor do they get the depth abuse reaches into the spirit, the soul and the foundation of someone deeply traumatized […]
Managed
My eyes are opening. At least, they are trying to open. They’ve started to open before, but then I shut them. Again. Everything on the surface looks fine, looks good even. But then something happens, and they start to open again. In the past, just as they are beginning to focus, to recognize… I am […]
You Saw Me First
If I could describe my life as a mash-up with how God has always been there, it would go something like the following: Accidents, mishaps and hospital ER trips— Your protective Hand was covering me, keeping me safe from far worse. Deepest loneliness, hurts and deep-seated rejections— You’ve always accepted me, held me close to […]
He’s With Me Through It All
Imagine this is a picture of God’s hand— catching all of our tears (Psalm 56:8), Holding our hand (Isaiah 41:13), pouring His grace, His mercy out over us (1 Timothy 1:12-17)— within our reach, in His grasp (Acts 17:27). Imagine His hand designing every part of us, every cell’s information center, every detail from the […]
I Remember Who I Was
My life was the messiest of messes. I was being crushed against my rock-bottom. He saw me. He reached into my soul, He called my name. My name. He knew my name.
Puppet Strings— Opinions Of Others
We are all His creation, made carefully, delicately, lovingly— by His hand, nurtured and protected by His hand, watered by His Spirit, cleansed by the blood of Jesus that sin can never corrupt. Ever.
Cycle of Frustration
The human ability to adapt to most situations and changes, is astounding. Even more-so is the ability to overcome— to beat, win, conquer overwhelming circumstances. There are an infinite number of human-interest stories about people who beat the odds— and often God is credited for a person’s ability to do what our minds consider to […]
In The Way
I was often told I was “in the way” by people who’s opinion mattered deeply to me, for a significant portion of my life. I had no reason to not believe them. So, I did all I could to move out of the way, whether physically or otherwise. I assumed everyone thought this about me. […]
Giving God What’s Broken
In our culture of Christianity, it’s become easy to sing our promises and confessions of faith. Do we follow through? When the service is over, do we reflect on the weighty words we’ve sung in praise, adoration and promise to our God? I can’t say, with a clear conscience, that I have. When I sing […]
Tough As Sand
In the past, I thought of myself as a kind of diamond in the rough. But here lately, I realize I’m more a lump of soft coal that wishes it could be a diamond. Coal that is under the heaviest of pressure can, in part, become a diamond. In the past I’ve compared my life’s […]
Forgive Them? Why??
This is a recurring theme in my life, it seems. And not just little things— really big, hard issues. When things start to finally relax, suddenly it becomes necessary to exercise my forgiveness muscles again. I have lifted some of the heaviest issues with these muscles. I don’t see a need to flex them for […]
Back To My First Love
Lately my time, one-on-one with God has been a spontaneous thing, which becomes steered by intention. Something within me has changed. My perspective, or I guess my realization of the reliability— the consistent stability— of God with me. I never question His willingness to make sure I am taken care of. He has never wavered— […]
Inward Brokenness
“…that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.” Eph 4:22-24 NASB
Disadvantaged And Broken
The shock is wearing off now. The sting of the jolt that rocked me is beginning to fade. Numbness that covered me fully, almost like a protective layer of clothing from the elements of harsh weather, is beginning to peel away now. Ow! It’s tempting to pull back from some of the most intense, penetrating […]
Christian Music VS All Music
There is this notion embedded in our society that Christian music isn’t really good unless it fits in perfectly with what is currently popular. If you can tell it’s Christian then it’s cheesy, it’s less valued than anything not Christian. What?? I have given in to this in the past, believing I should be embarrassed […]
Expectation Meet-Up
I’ve failed. Again. No big surprise. I’ve gotten pretty good at recognizing the game by now. I show up, with all of my imperfections– which are easily recognized at first glance– and I fail the test. You know– the test– where I do, or behave, or look like the labeled box I “should” just fit […]
Vlogging- Venting Blog
So– I know this will be shocking, but– I have a pet peeve. Actually, I have a few. But the one I am being pounced on by right now is– well– I’ll call it flabbergasted. I am biting my proverbial tongue pretty hard right now, in all honesty. The ignorant gall of some people brings […]
Inside the Broken
I’ve had this post bouncing around inside my head all day, wanting to just get out. As a kid, I remember waking up in the middle of the night with a sudden inspiration for writing. It was usually a poem. I recall just looking at the words I had written down, marveling at the picture […]
Heart Strings
I love rainbows. Besides being beautiful, they fascinate me. The origin and history are intriguing. Besides the colorful streams that invoke a feeling of warmth, to me they are one of the many wonders of our world. Rainbows and I also have a history. My very first memory in our shared history is seeing one […]
Words Matter– Spoken and Unspoken
Tearing down is for strongholds, not for people. Not ever for people.
Square Person in a “Well-rounded” World
Miracles are not always evident, but if you can catch just a glimpse of one, you are seeing the evidence of God in action.
Caught In The Middle
I just caught a live sermon from Elevation Worship about transitioning. As I listened, it hit me– that’s what I’m going through! I’m in such a weird place right now. I don’t mean physically, or emotionally. Not really mentally– just in life in general. I’m not young anymore, but not old. In my heart I […]
Transformed By Transcendence
I used to hold the collateral damage in Stuff it way down deep Keep it out of sight Like it was nothing but a junk heap. I used to care about What people thought But then I woke up I’m different– so what？ I’ve lived an intense life There are depths I know Created through […]
Loved Of God, Called By God
It’s evidence of God reaching out for me– to me– because I’m not in the way of His plans and purposes– I am a part of them.
My Shoes
Nobody says, “I wonder what it would be like to walk in their shoes?” about abused children. No one daydreams about being yelled at, called names– or worse. No one envies the child with the broken spirit, no one celebrates their choice to fight to survive. One of the strongest memories of my dad was […]
Home
Home- Chris Tomlin As a kid, when my Grandma yelled “Kids! Dinner!”, I stopped what I was doing, dropped everything, turned towards her voice and house, and raced home as fast as my legs would move me. Before that, I was so involved in whatever I was doing or playing like “ice cream truck” with […]
Believer’s Meeting
9:00 am, Sunday morning eyes close, hearts open– cue the perfect opening song, chosen because it’s upbeat, uplifting, and it gets the blood pumping. Energy surges. Those who practice loudly in their cars are ready to join in corporate Praise and Worship of Jesus, right? Except, “I” and “me” are used far more often than […]
Wound’s Protector— The Scar
I’ve mentioned a few times that I have scars on my scalp from a “friendly” domesticated adolescent cougar “playing” with my head as his chew toy. I’m thinking about that today because they hurt. Kinda bad. So that got me to thinking– if my physical scars hurt so badly at times, what about those deep […]
Hello Plank, How’d You Get In My Eye?
I have a view. An opinion. About everything. I have a view about that opinion I have of everything— I’m right. Of course I’m right! Can’t you see that? What do you mean you look at things differently? There’s only one way to see things– my way! I think if we’re all honest, we’ve fit […]
One Size Fits… Um No
I confess– I have a tendency to be a serial unasked-for advice giver. I can’t help it. I know others can glean from my experience-gained wisdom. Right? Except that’s never how it’s taken. If I’m honest, it’s also not how I take it from others, either, even though I try to be polite and respectful. […]
Your Discomfort Is Not My Responsibility
When we started dating, my husband, bless his heart, listened to so many stories from my past. He was my true friend– still is. He didn’t live through the same kinds of pain, and maybe he didn’t really want to hear what I was telling him about– but he did. I know he did, because […]
Suppression
With all the recent scandals from Hollywood and politicians, I’m again thinking about my own past of sexual abuse, and different reactions I’ve experienced about how I do/don’t do things. First, I’ll share some of my background. I was molested by my dad as a young girl. That in and of itself is still a […]
What I Wish Some Understood About Sexual Abuse Survivors
We live in a world full of people with as many backgrounds as there are people. No two are completely alike. In this mix, there are abusers, abuse survivors and the unaware. The category I fit into is abuse survivor. I was molested as a child, harassed as a teen and young adult, and raped […]
My Open Letter To Pastors Everywhere– You Need To Get This
Dear Pastors, Over the past 20 years I have been moved from place to place, sometimes by God, sometimes for personal reasons. That is why I’m writing this. I am no one special. I have no title, no grand purpose or calling. I am like many within your flock, under your care– part of your […]
Fighting An Invisible Enemy
I have an invisible enemy. I’ve fought against it for as long as I can remember. This enemy does not fight fair. It hides in the shadows. I have exhausted myself many times throughout my lifetime trying to fight back, but it dodges every retaliatory jab. My enemy catches me off-guard, though less often […]
The Spiritual Damage Of Anorexia
Fasting is an important part of our growing relationship with God. When we fast unto God, we deny our flesh to set aside our physical wants and needs temporarily to focus on seeking God.
Scars– Survivor’s Thick Skin
I have scars. Some are easily seen. Like the one on my hand where I got stitches from grabbing a knife out of a distressed friend’s hand. He was threatening self-harm. Some are hidden. I have scars in my scalp from an attack by a playful young mountain lion my aunt kept and adopted from […]
What You See Isn’t Always What You Get
We live in a timeline of illusions. Photoshop and other apps often help us give the appearance of faked perfection. Movies and tv shows take us to other times, places, worlds, universes, and realms of perception. Even Reality shows are not very “real”. We are so caught up in a culture of perfection that the […]
Dark Reflection: Looking At The Painful Past
I hate looking at my past. I hate remembering. I have set out so many times to write “my story”, but something always blocks me. I think it might be “this” me hating the “old” me. I don’t want to look at it through my memories. Why would you? Today my youngest was playing with […]
Why My Defensiveness Is A Reflex Reaction For Me With Some
Last night, I had the most wonderful time having dinner, talking, then just listening to a dear friend. I learned so much about her, things I never would have guessed! It’s even easier to see why she is such a beautiful, loving, sincerely kind woman of God. As is the usual case with me, […]
Don’t Talk About It
Confronting is the first step to healing.
I Can See You (Soundcloud version)
David and I wrote this song years ago. This was my first recorded violin playing for Soundcloud. I’m a perfectionist, so know I play better than this sounds. Enjoy!
Jemtree's Heart 