God’s Will?? I Think Not!

Apparently there is this school of thought, some believe supported by Scripture, that being the unfortunate victim of abuse is “God’s Will”. Obviously they don’t understand how wrong of a conclusion they have come to. Nor do they get the depth abuse reaches into the spirit, the soul and the foundation of someone deeply traumatized […]

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Managed

My eyes are opening. At least, they are trying to open. They’ve started to open before, but then I shut them. Again. Everything on the surface looks fine, looks good even. But then something happens, and they start to open again. In the past, just as they are beginning to focus, to recognize… I am […]

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You Saw Me First

If I could describe my life as a mash-up with how God has always been there, it would go something like the following: Accidents, mishaps and hospital ER trips— Your protective Hand was covering me, keeping me safe from far worse. Deepest loneliness, hurts and deep-seated rejections— You’ve always accepted me, held me close to […]

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He’s With Me Through It All

Imagine this is a picture of God’s hand— catching all of our tears (Psalm 56:8), Holding our hand (Isaiah 41:13), pouring His grace, His mercy out over us (1 Timothy 1:12-17)— within our reach, in His grasp (Acts 17:27). Imagine His hand designing every part of us, every cell’s information center, every detail from the […]

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Giving God What’s Broken

In our culture of Christianity, it’s become easy to sing our promises and confessions of faith. Do we follow through? When the service is over, do we reflect on the weighty words we’ve sung in praise, adoration and promise to our God? I can’t say, with a clear conscience, that I have. When I sing […]

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Tough As Sand

In the past, I thought of myself as a kind of diamond in the rough. But here lately, I realize I’m more a lump of soft coal that wishes it could be a diamond. Coal that is under the heaviest of pressure can, in part, become a diamond. In the past I’ve compared my life’s […]

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Forgive Them? Why??

This is a recurring theme in my life, it seems. And not just little things— really big, hard issues. When things start to finally relax, suddenly it becomes necessary to exercise my forgiveness muscles again. I have lifted some of the heaviest issues with these muscles. I don’t see a need to flex them for […]

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Back To My First Love

Lately my time, one-on-one with God has been a spontaneous thing, which becomes steered by intention. Something within me has changed. My perspective, or I guess my realization of the reliability— the consistent stability— of God with me. I never question His willingness to make sure I am taken care of. He has never wavered— […]

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Inward Brokenness

“…that, in reference to your former manner of life, you lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth.” Eph 4:22-24 NASB

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Disadvantaged And Broken

The shock is wearing off now. The sting of the jolt that rocked me is beginning to fade. Numbness that covered me fully, almost like a protective layer of clothing from the elements of harsh weather, is beginning to peel away now. Ow! It’s tempting to pull back from some of the most intense, penetrating […]

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Expectation Meet-Up

I’ve failed. Again. No big surprise. I’ve gotten pretty good at recognizing the game by now. I show up, with all of my imperfections– which are easily recognized at first glance– and I fail the test. You know– the test– where I do, or behave, or look like the labeled box I “should” just fit […]

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Inside the Broken

I’ve had this post bouncing around inside my head all day, wanting to just get out. As a kid, I remember waking up in the middle of the night with a sudden inspiration for writing. It was usually a poem. I recall just looking at the words I had written down, marveling at the picture […]

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Heart Strings

I love rainbows. Besides being beautiful, they fascinate me. The origin and history are intriguing. Besides the colorful streams that invoke a feeling of warmth, to me they are one of the many wonders of our world. Rainbows and I also have a history. My very first memory in our shared history is seeing one […]

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Caught In The Middle

I just caught a live sermon from Elevation Worship about transitioning. As I listened, it hit me– that’s what I’m going through! I’m in such a weird place right now. I don’t mean physically, or emotionally. Not really mentally– just in life in general. I’m not young anymore, but not old. In my heart I […]

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My Shoes

Nobody says, “I wonder what it would be like to walk in their shoes?” about abused children. No one daydreams about being yelled at, called names– or worse. No one envies the child with the broken spirit, no one celebrates their choice to fight to survive. One of the strongest memories of my dad was […]

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