Tag: wife

Christian Thoughts

Paul Versus Hollywood

jem

I enjoy watching classics. In many ways, tv, movies— Hollywood really— played a role in “raising” me.

I learned more from seeing actors pretend in relationships than I did from my own day-to-day experiences. I assumed I was watching how people actually interacted in their own families.

I’ve learned since that I wasn’t. The reason those become so popular is they are “selling” ideas that deep inside people think they need.

It’s an illusion.

As I have been watching some older things, ranging from black and white classics to 90’s favorites, I noticed something— in older things, one main common thread was how men talked about and treated women. And women believed it was justified, normal, ok treatment!

There have been judgments made against the Bible, but what I read in Scripture does not verify them at all.

I’ll start with “In the beginning…”

God made women, from man’s rib, to help him suitably. The very first humbling of “manhood”— men need helpers that are suitable.

God provides our needs.

Too many husbands reject the suitable help of their wives.

Why? Well— first because of ego and pride. I mean— how many men will admit they need help? Scripture never says man asked God for someone to help him. God just saw it was necessary— and He took part of the man He created from the dust— and made another being suitable for help, companionship, love, conversation… All things men’s nature seem to reject.

Looking to things our culture tends to put on a pedestal— the “stars”— there is an obvious disdain, maybe even hatred, for wives. Wives are to be insulted, ignored, talked down to, brushed aside, be unfaithful to, etc. The way men talked about and treated the wives in the “classics” is now a disgusting thing for me to see.

It’s no small wonder women rebelled in various ways, and took over the culture, where male “bashing” became a defensive popular theme. Pretend-wives treating pretend-husbands like they are stupid, idiotic, lazy, untrustworthy— etc., etc., etc.

One thing that is never a Hollywood marital theme is— Mutual. Mutual respect, mutual love, mutual consideration…

I’m not sure I would say that’s a focused perspective in Scripture, but I think when Scripture is carefully studied and practiced, the result becomes a natural mutual practice.

Hollywood has taught husbands to hate their wives, to be abusive, intolerant and unfaithful. Whereas Scripture consistently teaches husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the Church— and what I sincerely believe to be the key— as husbands love their own bodies (flesh).

Hollywood has taught women first, that they aren’t valuable, capable, intelligent, and only outer appearance is worth valuing. Then, Hollywood in more recent years has taught wives to be disrespectful, unhelpful, even hateful to husbands. Scripture on the other hand has taught all women that our value lives in Christ, that God defines us, has created us with priceless value and beauty as we grow closer to God through Jesus. Scripture has taught wives to respect husbands — treat them with respect.

I believe Scripture has put the greater burden on husbands— because they are to love their wife— helpmate suitable— as Christ loves the Church. They are to mirror Jesus!

How did Jesus treat women Believers? Never objectified them! He was not rude, did not talk down to them, always listened carefully and considered what they had to say. He never treated them as though they were unimportant, or had nothing of value to contribute.

Husbands— who are you following the example of? Pretenders following someone else’s scripts, or Jesus and admonishment from Paul?

Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND SHALL BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. Nasb

American, An Honest Wife's Perspective, Christian Thoughts, God's Heart, Uncategorized, Walking With God

Me, Myself And My Husband– One Flesh

jem

My husband doesn’t do things the way that I do. He doesn’t say things the way I say them. He doesn’t look at things the way I see them.

He doesn’t have the same Political views that I have…

When we married, we were taught through God’s Word that his body is my body, and my body is his body. In some ways that has become a kind of joke for us throughout the years.

“Honey, we have some things to do.” “Do I have to?” “Well, since your body is my body– yes.” Or, the silliness of doing something impossible– like using the restroom, lol.

Since my body is my husband’s, and vice-versa, does that mean his mind is also mine and mine is his?

Could you imagine if this were the case? If I had the ability to get him to think like me, and if I thought as he does, misunderstandings would become nonexistent!

But, the mind is such a complicated thing. The closest we could get to that is doing our best to consistently work at clear communication. Practicing listening. Sharing openly. Discussing differences.

Body ownership has been defined for us in Scripture– we become one-flesh, two halves of a whole. But our minds? As Christians, they should belong to the Lord. They have the unique ability to multi-task. While doing one thing like talking with people, we can pray, remember Scripture, Praise and Worship God at the same time.

The Bible exhorts us to pray without ceasing, because we can. We are able to do that. It takes practice, reminders, and at first a lot of attention and time. But then it becomes a habit. It happens naturally.

Our minds were made to interact with our Creator continuously.

That’s why there is so much competition for it with the world, people, even within ourselves.

We have a choice in who or what we give our minds to.

Everyday I want to choose God. Many times I fail somewhat, some days completely.

Every day is a new chance.

An Honest Wife's Perspective, Uncategorized

Do You Like Your Husband?

jem

My husband loves video and computer games. I mean, he Loves them. I have often struggled with thinking if he had to choose between them and me, they would win out, hands down. I have tested him on this theory, and he has failed. He Refuses to just stop playing and let his character die. I mean, he tells me when I nit-pick about the lack of modesty many game women are created to display, “Those are just pixels. That isn’t real, it doesn’t mean anything.” But, he still refuses to let them die, so, yes, it does mean something. It means he has chosen them over me, in my mind.

In the past, you wouldn’t believe the arguments we have had, the times I have fumed in silence, or even the time I took all of his x-box games and put ransom notes in each one. Once he paid the ransom, time with me minus the x-box between us, time with the kids, then he could have that particular game back. Well, he was IRATE when I did that. It hurt that he was so angry, but I finally stood my ground: I was angry too, and why was his anger more important or justified than my own?

We worked through that, but it wasn’t easy, until he realized I was right, and I was justified.

We have had a few different things we haven’t seen eye-to-eye on. Some things, like disciplining the kids, we had an early-on parenting class about, so we discussed and came into agreement before those “heat of the moment” times. We had a marriage clase, well, we took that one twice, early on in our marriage, so that has been a foundation we have relied on continually over the 14 years we have been married.

I have the benefit of having a failed marriage in my own past, and I learned what not to do, and what not to make a big deal of, because of that prior abusive marriage. I appreciate things about my husband that I would not have appreciated, because I experienced far worse. It helps me keep things in a proper perspective.

I have learned how to like my husband, while not liking what he is doing. That has not been an easy process, and it did not happen over night.

I spent many days and nights on my face before God, crying, begging God to please change my husband. For the first 5 years of our marriage, that was me, behind closed doors. I didn’t understand his unwillingness to give up something that was creating a wedge between us. So, I asked God to please help him stop.

Instead, God changed me. But, I had to let God change me. I had to stop judging my husband. I had to stop trying to be his Holy Spirit, thinking I knew what was in his best interest. I had to swallow my pride and indignation, and start enjoying my husband’s first-loved hobby with him.

Yes, I became a “gamer”. Well, I don’t play much anymore, for various reasons, but now I can show respect to my husband, because now I have gained understanding.

Being transformed into a wife of understanding was not an easy, fun process. I had to lay down my desire to judge him, I had to lay down what I would have rather spent my time doing, I had to learn how to enjoy playing something that I personally did not value putting my time into.

I had to want a deeper, more intimate connection with my husband that he had not worked to try to have with me.

It hurt, but I did have fun. I felt guilty for having fun, at first, because of pride, because of judgement, because I felt frustrated that it seemed I had to do all the work to try to make that deeper connect with him, and I thought it was just a waste of time.

Fast forward to 14+ years later. I have gained a new respect for my husband and his hobby. I have an understanding not only of my husband, but how God often directs my husband to interact with others who have a common love for his hobby, people he probably wouldn’t get along with otherwise, or have a reason to talk to. I have a new “language” with my husband, and now my kids who have willingly embraced his hobby (imagine that, kids loving playing games), that I would have been left out of had I not taken part and built that connection with him.

I have fallen in love with the person my husband is, and not just fallen into the humdrum pattern marriage often falls into. I really like my husband, I like how God made him, I sincerely appreciate him.

If there were anything I would want to pass on to others as a type of legacy, it would be this: take the time, make the sacrifice to get to really know your husband.
He will surprise you, and you will win his heart and his affection if you lay your life down to take up his. Jesus said, “Greater love has no man except he lays down his life for a friend.”

Is your husband your friend, your first and best friend? Mine is, and now I am happily content.