Transformed By Transcendence

I used to hold the collateral damage in

Stuff it way down deep

Keep it out of sight

Like it was nothing but a junk heap.

I used to care about

What people thought

But then I woke up

I’m different– so what?

I’ve lived an intense life

There are depths I know

Created through strife

I’ve been embarassed to show.

When I began to embrace

The pain and emotions

The trials and the breaks

The personal notions–

I realized others were in need!

I could share what God’s done!

How He’s made that difference

I’m thankful He’s the Healing One.

You see, rejection and I

We go way back– years!

We’ve been intertwined

Tied with dread and fears.

I used to surrender

Just accept the defeat

Now my spirit is strengthened

I forced it to retreat.

Oh, it still pops up

Tries to drag me back down to submission

But I know it’s a lie

I know it’s a fake prison.

I walked away

And found my acceptance

I have risen above, no longer blind

Transformed by transcendence.

I’ve embraced my purpose

I accept it’s about more than just me

Others need my experience

To identify with their need.

My pain, my wounds

My steep pile of stuff

Belongs to other

Diamonds in the rough.

I don’t matter to many

It’s ok, I accept it

Those lives most affected

Are puzzles my life fits with.

My views are intense

I embrace pain till it runs it’s course

Ignoring it seals it in

Confronting it gets to the source.

I thought I had to apologize

For being more sensitive than most

Yet, I owe no person anything

Except to the encroached.

My life has been open

My story a book for the broken

No more apologies

My understanding is now awoken.

The Spiritual Damage Of Anorexia

I’m a former anorexic and bulimic, reformed through Christ. This post has been a long time coming.

To look at me now you can’t tell I was near death at one point from practicing anorexia.

The Spiritual consequence is what I want to get into with this post. I don’t think I’ve ever read anything about that before.

Fasting is an important part of our growing relationship with God. When we fast unto God, we deny our flesh to set aside our physical wants and needs temporarily to focus on seeking God. We fast to repent, seek God, grow in our faith and understanding, and to actively put Him completely first. The focus is God, not our body, not the avoidance of food.

Anorexia is a tool the devil uses to corrupt that. Fasting not only becomes an obsessive practice of focus on ourselves. Opportunities open for the demonic to gain footholds in our lives, choices, beliefs, vision, perspective and practices. The devil sells us the idea we can obtain perfection.

When Jesus is our Lord and Savior, God sees us as perfect because Christ is in us.

Through the practice of Anorexia, the devil causes deformity within our spirits and our understanding. The devil clouds our vision, and converts our perception to a distorted view and belief system– the belief that our body is the enemy we need to fight against.

The Bible is clear that our battle is not against flesh and blood. We are transformed through the renewing of our minds, new creations through Christ Jesus.

Striving for perfection, we work hard for acceptance and approval of the world. But like a small kid in a game of Keep Away, or Monkey In The Middle, we never lay hold of it. The constant effort steals focus, energy, confidence– reality. The bar gets raised higher. It’s always just… out of…

Reach

God accepts and approves of us because of Jesus. We don’t have to prove our worth to Him because Jesus showed us how much He values us by dying on the cross, and rising up again. We are wanted, welcomed by God.

Jesus made it possible to have acceptance from our Creator. We can have a relationship with Perfection Himself, and He is working to make us the best version of ourselves– for His glory.

We have a choice: We can work really hard for a distorted version of perfection that’s never within reach. Or we can rest in God’s approval and meet Him in the changes He makes as He perfects us His way.

I have experienced both. I prefer God’s way.

United We Stand

glass broken  heartGod has sure been stirring up a lot of things in my heart and thoughts lately.

One of the recurring issues I deal with is that I am still missing out on a father figure for my life. I understand that Scripture teaches us that God is our Heavenly Father, and He has never disappointed me.

I know it sounds ridiculous, but I am 40-something, and I still wish I could just have a normal conversation with my daddy. I have never had that. I have missed that, and struggled not to envy what others have been given.

There are so many people, of all ages, who have not had real, or healthy  relationships with their parents.  Where are the Godly men who will step up, and allow God to use them to replace what has been stolen from so many?

“When Jesus then saw His mother, and the disciple whom He loved standing heart-photo-by-Carien-of-sxc.hu_nearby, He said to His mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then He said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” From that hour the disciple took her into his own household. (John 19:26-27 NASV)

He understood that those relationships are of utmost importance.

We are missing so much with our individualistic approach to Christianity. We are missing out on so much.

Living out Titles and Roles

Throughout our lives, we acquire many titles that attempt to define us. I have been given several: daughter, wife, mother, violinist, Mrs…

I am the wife of my husband, my life has been molded under that title, by that title, by God’s, my husband’s and society’s definition of “wife”, but the way it’s lived out is different than how other wives live it out. I am not molded by any other woman’s husband to fit the title of wife. I am not the mother of any other children than my own, I don’t discipline other children in the same way that I discipline my own. The title of wife and mother does not define my role in other relationships the same way it defines me with my own husband and children.

In the same regard, I have been molded to fit under the title of Christian. Within that one title, are many roles: sister, Godly, Christ-like, encourager, worshiper, intercessor, forgiven, and so many others.

When I consider how I am a child of the Living God, it can sometimes feel overwhelming. It isn’t just a title, it is part of every aspect of who I am. It’s part of being a wife, mother, daughter, and violinist. I now have a responsibility to be an ambassador for God, to be an accurate representative of His Patience, His Forgiveness, His Love, His Peacemaking. That title extends out to everyone I ever interact with. I am a Child of the Living God. There is continuous molding going on under the surface, every situation is used to mold and shape me into a more clear likeness of Jesus Who modeled God in human form perfectly. My reactions to things are not God’s reactions to things as His ways are higher than mine. As His child, I have the responsibility to make sure I am teachable, not resisting Godly correction from those God places in my life to help me walk in His ways. I have the responsibility to make sure my behavior points the way to God, Glorifying Him, but not embarrassing Him or causing others to not consider coming to Him. I have the overwhelming responsibility to reflect Jesus, and not deflect people from seeking Him.

People aren’t going to turn to Him in times of trouble because I tell them they need to and I one-up them with His Word. They are going to seek Him out because they see His Kindness, Gentleness, Love, and concern for them in their situations. They will be drawn to Him through His perfect Peace within me.

I wonder what aspects of God are recognizable to others in my own life.