Me, Myself And My Husband– One Flesh

My husband doesn’t do things the way that I do. He doesn’t say things the way I say them. He doesn’t look at things the way I see them.

He doesn’t have the same Political views that I have…

When we married, we were taught through God’s Word that his body is my body, and my body is his body. In some ways that has become a kind of joke for us throughout the years.

“Honey, we have some things to do.” “Do I have to?” “Well, since your body is my body– yes.” Or, the silliness of doing something impossible– like using the restroom, lol.

Since my body is my husband’s, and vice-versa, does that mean his mind is also mine and mine is his?

Could you imagine if this were the case? If I had the ability to get him to think like me, and if I thought as he does, misunderstandings would become nonexistent!

But, the mind is such a complicated thing. The closest we could get to that is doing our best to consistently work at clear communication. Practicing listening. Sharing openly. Discussing differences.

Body ownership has been defined for us in Scripture– we become one-flesh, two halves of a whole. But our minds? As Christians, they should belong to the Lord. They have the unique ability to multi-task. While doing one thing like talking with people, we can pray, remember Scripture, Praise and Worship God at the same time.

The Bible exhorts us to pray without ceasing, because we can. We are able to do that. It takes practice, reminders, and at first a lot of attention and time. But then it becomes a habit. It happens naturally.

Our minds were made to interact with our Creator continuously.

That’s why there is so much competition for it with the world, people, even within ourselves.

We have a choice in who or what we give our minds to.

Everyday I want to choose God. Many times I fail somewhat, some days completely.

Every day is a new chance.

Irregular Frustration With Realistic Expectations

In the civilian, real world, when you go to the doctor and get told you need surgery, you schedule the date, make the necessary preparations, work things out with your boss and loved ones when you schedule the date, and you go get your surgery done.

In the military, under normal circumstances, you discuss things with your supervisor, fill out necessary paperwork to be sent up your chain of command to be either approved or disapproved, then schedule accordingly. So imagine our frustrated surprise that it’s after 4 p.m. the day before my husband‘s surgery has been scheduled, and his convalescent leave still has not been approved. His Chief is still talking with people, trying to get someone to step up and fill my husband’s shoes, so he can get what he needs done. His commander is risking losing my husband completely, because of the pain he’s in and the screws in one foot can break at any time. I see the pain he is in, and it makes me both very angry that his leadership cares so little about him, and it makes me cry.

So, I’m not a bit afraid to say: fireworks are about to go off. I am going to explode in a fit of frustrated concern on someone who can make a difference. At this point, weighing the consequences: repercussions because his leadership will have no question of who is stirring stuff up, versus my husband’s crippling pain: I think I honestly just don’t even care. Someone needs to be informed of what is happening here. This will be the third time his surgery is being put off, because of “Air Force needs”. Well, the Air Force NEEDS to fix my husband, or they are crippling their own mission.

Ok, now the Christian part of me is kicking in. I have prayed off and on, I have trusted God to help make the way for this to happen. My husband is humble and kind. He puts others before himself. He has put the Air Force before this need for years now, but now it’s their turn to make his well-being the priority. He has given and given, and he can’t keep being the only one to give.  His leadership obviously does not have anything of God in them, or they would be listening to the Holy Spirit on the issue. I trust that God is concerned for my husband, and He will provide for all of his needs.

I just wish the Air Force would live up to their end. Things have really gotten rotten in the past 4 years.

Update: As of about 6:45 p.m., our God has indeed come through for my husband!! So very thankful for the Chief God has put in place at this time. She fought all day to get his command to sign the convalescent leave form. He is getting the surgery.

Some battles are worth fighting for both in prayer and in action, we can’t give in and give up the fight, when the need is so great.

Do You Like Your Husband?

My husband loves video and computer games. I mean, he Loves them. I have often struggled with thinking if he had to choose between them and me, they would win out, hands down. I have tested him on this theory, and he has failed. He Refuses to just stop playing and let his character die. I mean, he tells me when I nit-pick about the lack of modesty many game women are created to display, “Those are just pixels. That isn’t real, it doesn’t mean anything.” But, he still refuses to let them die, so, yes, it does mean something. It means he has chosen them over me, in my mind.

In the past, you wouldn’t believe the arguments we have had, the times I have fumed in silence, or even the time I took all of his x-box games and put ransom notes in each one. Once he paid the ransom, time with me minus the x-box between us, time with the kids, then he could have that particular game back. Well, he was IRATE when I did that. It hurt that he was so angry, but I finally stood my ground: I was angry too, and why was his anger more important or justified than my own?

We worked through that, but it wasn’t easy, until he realized I was right, and I was justified.

We have had a few different things we haven’t seen eye-to-eye on. Some things, like disciplining the kids, we had an early-on parenting class about, so we discussed and came into agreement before those “heat of the moment” times. We had a marriage clase, well, we took that one twice, early on in our marriage, so that has been a foundation we have relied on continually over the 14 years we have been married.

I have the benefit of having a failed marriage in my own past, and I learned what not to do, and what not to make a big deal of, because of that prior abusive marriage. I appreciate things about my husband that I would not have appreciated, because I experienced far worse. It helps me keep things in a proper perspective.

I have learned how to like my husband, while not liking what he is doing. That has not been an easy process, and it did not happen over night.

I spent many days and nights on my face before God, crying, begging God to please change my husband. For the first 5 years of our marriage, that was me, behind closed doors. I didn’t understand his unwillingness to give up something that was creating a wedge between us. So, I asked God to please help him stop.

Instead, God changed me. But, I had to let God change me. I had to stop judging my husband. I had to stop trying to be his Holy Spirit, thinking I knew what was in his best interest. I had to swallow my pride and indignation, and start enjoying my husband’s first-loved hobby with him.

Yes, I became a “gamer”. Well, I don’t play much anymore, for various reasons, but now I can show respect to my husband, because now I have gained understanding.

Being transformed into a wife of understanding was not an easy, fun process. I had to lay down my desire to judge him, I had to lay down what I would have rather spent my time doing, I had to learn how to enjoy playing something that I personally did not value putting my time into.

I had to want a deeper, more intimate connection with my husband that he had not worked to try to have with me.

It hurt, but I did have fun. I felt guilty for having fun, at first, because of pride, because of judgement, because I felt frustrated that it seemed I had to do all the work to try to make that deeper connect with him, and I thought it was just a waste of time.

Fast forward to 14+ years later. I have gained a new respect for my husband and his hobby. I have an understanding not only of my husband, but how God often directs my husband to interact with others who have a common love for his hobby, people he probably wouldn’t get along with otherwise, or have a reason to talk to. I have a new “language” with my husband, and now my kids who have willingly embraced his hobby (imagine that, kids loving playing games), that I would have been left out of had I not taken part and built that connection with him.

I have fallen in love with the person my husband is, and not just fallen into the humdrum pattern marriage often falls into. I really like my husband, I like how God made him, I sincerely appreciate him.

If there were anything I would want to pass on to others as a type of legacy, it would be this: take the time, make the sacrifice to get to really know your husband.
He will surprise you, and you will win his heart and his affection if you lay your life down to take up his. Jesus said, “Greater love has no man except he lays down his life for a friend.”

Is your husband your friend, your first and best friend? Mine is, and now I am happily content.