Words hurt – Jemtree's Heart

reality, The Past, Walking With God

Good For Nothing

December 8, 2025December 8, 2025 jem

The title of this is more than just words, for me.

This is what I heard, often, from my dad.

Good for nothing.

Good. For nothing.

Nothing.

No thing.

No worth.

Zero.

Worthless.

Worth less than nothing.

Just in the way.

My dad was not a nice dad to or for me.

I fought to survive despite this sentence he judged me to live by, imprisoned by these mean, horrible words.

As an adult, I realized I had to leave the part of my world where these words were my definition, to follow where I believed Jesus was leading me— to begin learning how to survive and thrive outside of that word jail cell.

I started a new life, away from everything and everyone I knew.

Away from that pronounced judgement over me.

But those words never left the self-belief system they were installed in.

They continued to run in the background of my self picture— like a rogue computer program— distorting everything I desperately tried to make myself to become.

God’s Word told me that I have value in Him.

To Him.

Through Him.

But why?

I had less than nothing to offer to Him.

God began to build me up, in Him. New. Refined.

He valued nothing me.

I was just like a new born, learning how to walk in His footsteps on my path.

Dancing with Him, my feet on top of his like a little girl dancing with her dad.

I dared not take even one step without verifying which direction to go, how long of a stride to take.

Things in life broke me.

The military broke me down.

God built me up in Him.

Isaiah 54 (see Scripture below) is the first Scripture where He spoke into my soul and began to breathe HIS Life into me.

I began my journey with Him as my Guide.

Not as a tourist visiting.

As a resident learning the ways, the ins and outs of His Kingdom principles.

I started going to a church where I began learning how to walk in that new creation in Christ that He was teaching me how to embrace.

Over time, people went in and out of my interactions.

I had no idea how to form healthy friendships or Christian relationships.

Because my vision was deeply impaired, I began trusting the vision others (that I believed) God was showing who He was shaping me to be.

And then I hit a stumbling block.

A pastor who reinforced what my dad had taught me about me.

No matter what I did, how much I tried to both fit into a box of expectations God didn’t make me to fit into— while desperately trying to break out of the labeled box that was a prison for me— I didn’t fit into anything.

I wasn’t trustworthy.

I couldn’t be believed.

I was undermining the pastor’s authority because I didn’t just go along with what he— an ordained man of God— said because I, just a lowly, uninformed, unimportant person dared have concerns or questions.

He didn’t believe I was Saved— made me prove to Him I was by getting baptized a second time— and still didn’t believe it then.

He told me that I was in God’s way, causing problems.

A new label was added to me— Jezebel.

Had I not had a solid relationship with God, I would have been crushed under the weight of his judgment on me and believed that God didn’t think I was good enough, sincere enough, repentant enough— serving Him enough— and I would have believed Salvation just wasn’t a Gift for me.

Thank God He had already broken through all of those lies!!

Now I know my life in God’s Hands has made me priceless to Him.

Maybe no person on earth will ever find any real value in my existence— But God formed me.

God created me.

God put me together.

And what God has put together— no man can break apart.

I am His.

He is mine.

Nothing can take me from the palm of His hand.

No matter what any person believes they “know”— God thoroughly knows me.

I make mistakes.

My vision is still impaired.

But when I look at things through His Word— He makes things clear.

He opens my understanding.

God still picks me up to dance with Him through life.

Sometimes He lets me stand on His feet while He takes each and every step.

Sometimes He just picks me all the way up and holds me.

He never treats me like I am worthless— good for nothing.

After all— His own Son died so I could be in His Presence for all of Eternity.

God doesn’t roll his eyes when he sees me.

His eyes light up with joy— because He knows exactly how broken I was and He has never given up on me.

Isaiah 54 (ESL) The Eternal Covenant of Peace

1“Sing, O barren one, who did not bear;
break forth into singing and cry aloud,
you who have not been in labor!
For the children of the desolate one will be more
than the children of her who is married,” says the LORD.
2“Enlarge the place of your tent,
and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out;
do not hold back; lengthen your cords
and strengthen your stakes.
3For you will spread abroad to the right and to the left,
and your offspring will possess the nations
and will people the desolate cities.

4“Fear not, for you will not be ashamed;
be not confounded, for you will not be disgraced;
for you will forget the shame of your youth,
and the reproach of your widowhood you will remember no more.
5For your Maker is your husband,
the LORD of hosts is his name;
and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
the God of the whole earth he is called.
6For the LORD has called you
like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit,
like a wife of youth when she is cast off,
says your God.
7For a brief moment I deserted you,
but with great compassion I will gather you.
8In overflowing anger for a moment
I hid my face from you,
but with everlasting love I will have compassion on you,”
says the LORD, your Redeemer.

9“This is like the days of Noah^a to me:
as I swore that the waters of Noah
should no more go over the earth,
so I have sworn that I will not be angry with you,
and will not rebuke you.
10For the mountains may depart
and the hills be removed,
but my steadfast love shall not depart from you,
and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,”
says the LORD, who has compassion on you.

11“O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted,
behold, I will set your stones in antimony,
and lay your foundations with sapphires.^b
12I will make your pinnacles of agate,^c
your gates of carbuncles,^d
and all your wall of precious stones.
13All your children shall be taught by the LORD,
and great shall be the peace of your children.
14In righteousness you shall be established;
you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;
and from terror, for it shall not come near you.
15If anyone stirs up strife,
it is not from me;
whoever stirs up strife with you
shall fall because of you.
16Behold, I have created the smith
who blows the fire of coals
and produces a weapon for its purpose.
I have also created the ravager to destroy;
17no weapon that is fashioned against you shall succeed,
and you shall refute every tongue that rises against you in judgment.
This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD
and their vindication^e from me, declares the LORD.”

Reality Check, Walking With God

What’s In A Phrase?

February 16, 2023February 16, 2023 jem

There are key phrases in our culture and daily lives that we hear and say often, but have we stopped to think what they actually mean?

One that’s sticking out to me at the moment is our “self worth”.

Each of us have value to many other people and sources. The value isn’t always a positive thing, or in our best interest, though.

Take our current online culture, for instance— our individual and collective value is often in the form of data. Pieces of us— information or data, have become a type of currency in some ways, as Social Media platforms make deals with various advertisers, government officials, even governments themselves, to get as much data as possible in an infinite number of ways.

We are valuable sources for information.

To politicians, we are valuable for molding by opinions and “news” reports to help “shape” our opinions through fear, outrage, disappointment and anger. They value us for our votes for them or their causes.

But self worth— that’s a whole different facet.

Self worth is often influenced by the negative things people say about us or to us, or negative reactions.

For instance, if, as a child, we grew up in a critical environment where complimentary things spoken to us was not common-place, our understanding of our self worth can morph into the pictures we get from the words of others, or develop as a reflection within that environment.

For instance— being called “good-for-nothing”, “worthless” and “just in the way”— that has affected how I view myself, in so many ways. I heard those things decades ago, but somehow they became embedded in the make-up of who I have developed into.

In some ways, that has actually spurred on some positive things. Having lived through the impact of those words hitting my malleable confidence, I know how much they hurt to both hear and receive treatment from others as being true.

But, even now I have a tough time finding my footing to be solid in relationships with others. I don’t have the benefit of self confidence near as much as I did years ago.

Life has happened. Circumstances have beaten me down. Health issues have left me tired and weakened.

I’m finding I have a new resolve now, though.

I’m resolved to surround myself, carefully, with those who purpose to build me up. I can’t use my limited energy on having to repair what others would tear down with their harsh opinions and treatment.

I’m finding, for the first time in my life, I feel delicate and I need to guard that.

And anyone who would mock that, I don’t even want them to be a part of my life.

My confidence is not the self worth that the world insists that I have.

My only worth is in Jesus. He highlights Himself in me— my words and my actions.

These aren’t just words and actions to me. I can dazzle the world all I want with gifts, talents, and pizzazz— but I cannot fool God. The things we strive for in this life mean nothing in Eternity with God.

So— in my personal life I have set up boundaries for me— Either I am built-up in Him by those who love Him, or I hide in Him to block out the mean and spiteful things meant to pull me down on a level God never created me to be on.

If I am really hidden in Christ Jesus, the things or people that seek to tear me down, can’t touch me.

I wish I were there already!! I have such a long way to go! Until then— I’m gonna struggle with confidence and sure-footedness with others.

I’m giving myself permission to be who I am as I continue to grow into who God is shaping me to be.

I can’t conjure up self-confidence just because some demonstrate no grace, no tolerance, or no understanding.

I apologize for how I am way too often. I care about the opinions of others way too much. I’ve tried to live up to those heavy expectations and opinions— until I just can’t any longer.

I’m not strong enough.

I try to hold myself up to a different standard because I know how it feels to be on the end I have where lived my entire life— where my personal beliefs, my experiences, my opinions have been treated as stupid, unimportant, uninformed or wrong because someone doesn’t agree.

My self confidence has taken many direct hits during it’s existence. I’ve lived with the belief if I’m not doing something perfect, I’ll just be messing it up for everyone. If I make a mistake, that’s what people will remember, not the 99% that was done right.

To some degree, everyone experiences this— I know.

I have built up a personal intolerance for it.

I believe God also has intolerance for it, as well.

Modeling myself after Christ means I have to self-regulate the way I treat others.

I have to monitor myself.

I also have to protect myself in Christ to be sure I am being built-up in Him.