Apparently there is this school of thought, some believe supported by Scripture, that being the unfortunate victim of abuse is “God’s Will”.
Obviously they don’t understand how wrong of a conclusion they have come to. Nor do they get the depth abuse reaches into the spirit, the soul and the foundation of someone deeply traumatized by abuse.
Never once was I drawn to God because of a comparison between my earthly abuser and my Creator.
Never.
No, it was not God’s Will for my dad to psychologically abuse me! I am, to this very day, still dealing with the affects of him telling me he hated me and wished I’d never been born, coupled with how I was just always in the way.
No, it was not God’s Will for my dad to physically, sexually abuse me. I despise what he did, so much, I developed eating disorders to try to purge it out of my system! He violated my trust, my innocence— my body!
No, it was not God’s Will to witness his guinea-pigged drugged-up confused mindset that had him convinced he was like God, and loved my mom so much he had to kill her— tried to kill her.
No.
My God does not Will sin’s ugliness into anyone’s life.
God does not willfully direct sin to deeply traumatize people.
God allows many things, but He does not Will them to happen.
I have never had a healthy relationship with my dad, or any kind of redeeming father-like relationship with anyone.
In my life I have felt a desperate need for someone to accept me and just be part of my life as a mom, dad or sibling type.
That hasn’t been something anyone has been willing to do.
That has been what has driven me closer to God.
Not the abuse, not a comparison.
The lack of those relationships.
I have given up on anyone within the church stepping into that kind of role in my life.
I have never given up knowing God will fill that lack with His love, His acceptance, His delight in me.
His Character is defined all throughout Scripture. And, while He has directed harsh judgement against some by directing those obedient to Him to carry out that judgement in Old Testament times—
Never once do I see Him telling a father to molest his daughter.
Never once do I see Him telling a father to tell his children how much he hates them and wishes God never created them.
Never once.
Jemtree's Heart 
Sorry, Zephaniah, not Zechariah. Zephaniah 3:17
LikeLike
Jem, I’m so sorry you were abused by the very man who was supposed to love and protect you. You are handling things much better than I did when I was young because I used to blame God for a lot of things that were happening to me. It was like it was my default emotional setting for quite a few years. Luckily I’m overcoming it and have decided to lean on Him instead of blame Him. I realized years ago that just because He allows something to happen doesn’t mean it’s His will. However, I’ve had so many Christians tell me that “anything that happens is God’s will. Because if it isn’t His will, it will never happen.”
I was grossly misguided. Thank you so much for posting. This really took a hold of my heart. ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
I sincerely believe that God never endorses or causes humans to hurt one another. We all make our choices. But God is right there to hold us, to rescue us, to fix our broken hearts and broken spirits. He created each one of us for some purpose we don’t always understand. I like to remind myself that for everything I have suffered through, it will never come close to what Jesus suffered through. He suffered abuse on his way to being crucified, and as He was hung on the cross. I still feel devastated that I will never have an earth dad who loved me and treated me as God would have him do. But— none of my experiences, none of my scars or my pain can ever compare to what Jesus suffered.
I don’t remember blaming God— somehow I understood He loved me and didn’t want all that happened to me to happen. But I can understand how I could have easily done that. I think it’s fairly normal to react out of so much pain. I praise God that you recognize that God doesn’t have a plan for the people in our lives hurting us. God Bless you and keep you close to His heart if hearts. ✝️💕
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much, Jem! I wish I could’ve been more like you. ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
It took me a long time to get past wanting revenge, and releasing complete forgiveness. I was an angry, bitter person before I surrendered everything— my anger, disappointment, hurts— to God. I was not a shining example of what God wanted me to be. Thankfully it wasn’t too late for Him to shape and mold me into a vessel who wants nothing more than His Will. It took a lot of failure to get me to let go of trying to do things my own way. 💕You are uniquely and wonderfully made, beautiful always in His sight— Zechariah says He rejoices over you with singing!! So thankful He has your heart! People will fail and disappoint us— God never will. He is faithful and just, and he offers us His perfect peace. ✝️
LikeLiked by 1 person
❤❤❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hello Jem
Your words touched my heart
It seems we share some common ground. My 1st question is – are you wanting/seeking to heal from the events you mentioned? It sounded as if you do but I felt compelled to ask…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your comment. God has done a great deal of healing in my life over the years, through ministry and time. I enjoy sharing the inspiring common-ground testimonies of how God has turned things around for good, for those of us who love Him and are called according to His purpose. I am always open to God’s healing. In this post, I addressed a sermon I heard, that was given by someone who knows a lot of my story. It hit a nerve for me, I’m deeply saddened that things that have devastated me throughout my life can be so quickly, and casually summed up as “God’s Will”. I believe it’s much more complicated and involved than just simply that conclusion. So I wrote out my thoughts.
I’d really enjoy sharing our testimonies, encouraging one another, and if God chooses to release more healing through that— I’ll gladly receive it.
LikeLike
Gods love is perfect, I didn’t meet my biological dad until I turned 38, a bit old to repair any losses I felt by bot having him my whole life,
. I’m greatful I found him and he’s been great, long distance, to me and to us, but there was also that bittersweet realization that lost time will never be redeemed. I also had to step back from my desire for that father figure to see that I had a perfect one guiding, protecting, and shaping me the whole time. A father that was there when I graduated, when I got married, when I gave birth, and even when I was in periods where I felt totally alone. As I get older I feel myself retreating to him now, no longer desperate for that’s physical form to fill his spiritual shoes. When I’m lost he has the map, and when I’m broken he hands me the glue. I pray to grow closer to him, for him to ease my anxiousness, my fears, and I thank him for the innumerable blessings and for giving me a spiritual sister with you!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love it that you have found your dad, and that you are able to build a positive relationship with him.
The older I get, at times now I feel kind of shaky not having what I’ve needed from people, but I know I am always leaning on Jesus. My life has been just like that storm Jesus slept through on the boat, and for many years now I’ve pictured myself riding out my stormy life, resting my head on His shoulder.
No one can fill God’s spiritual shoes. But, there is a definite sting when I’m reminded of the fight, often just to want to survive and push through, that I’ve felt realizing physically I’ve had to do it all alone. Spiritually I know God is with me, but there will always be the scarred reminders of what I’ve just not had. There is still a tinge of pain watching how others are treated by their parents and siblings, the bonds and the affection. Those will never be mine to experience. I am so very content with leaning on Jesus, telling Him everything I’d want to tell others close in heart.
My frustration right now is that belief that God *Willed* my abuse. There is such a difference between God allowing while He stands outside of time and sees everything, versus God actively *Willing* sin to strike.
I so love that you are my spiritual sister!! 💕✝️
LikeLike