NF Lyrics – Jemtree's Heart

My family started this cool thing where at the start of each week, they share a review of the previous week. Each of them highlight different points and topics, and one of them added a songs-of-the week point— which I just love!

Music is my heart language.

It’s not often I feel I have much of interest to share. They are all brilliant, and talented and have interesting, deep and fun perspectives.

I often don’t. My life is pretty simplified, kind of just a wash-rinse-wring out-repeat cycle— which is maybe just what I need for this season I am in right now.

If you know me, at all, then you know NF music is like a mirror for me to reflect on and God to apply His healing balm through.

So— I thought since the last few days have been absorbing his newest lyrical and visual concepts— I’ll make that my weekly review— in my own blog post style.

Maybe someone else can benefit or will get introduced to some of the best lyrics and music that have ever been on the planet.

Maybe no one will read this at all.

Either way is fine— it just helps me get things out of my head in a thorough and organized way.

The EP— #FEAR— has 6 new gems.

The first song, Fear, also has a video— not for the faint of heart, and will not at all be understood by anyone who doesn’t know NF’s story.

So I’ll just go song by song:

The order is Fear, Home, Who I Was (featuring MGK), Give Me A Reason, Sorry (featuring James Arthur) and Washed Up.

I’m gonna go a little out of order and save the two videos ones for last.

https://youtu.be/ZIS_XyU87xU

Starting with #Home. (please listen) Spoilers— I think he recently lost someone close to him. This song— man— my grandma was my life root! When I lost my grandma, (2007) and I wasn’t able to go to her funeral, well— it hit me so deeply that the loss still echos in my heart. NF, no surprise, hit everything so perfectly— I feel his pain, I remember so vividly my own experiences through the movie he paints with his words and music (no video). I have cried SO MUCH the last few days— like I just lost her, and yet there is that amazingly profound reminder— she just has a new home now!!

https://youtu.be/qrOUAq4Vp2g

#WhoIWas— at first, I was caught off-guard by MGK’s style. I have not heard him before this, but his lyrics are pretty good. The more I listen, the more I get it. When NF comes in— he starts hitting facts that I experienced self-regulating anger and frustration— I think everyone can relate on some level! Hope my kids don’t turn out like me… I won’t do it justice in my description— you just seriously need to listen for yourself.

https://youtu.be/3HMLme-2LHg

#GiveMeAReason— Fun hype song!! He wants someone to make him mad—give him a reason— so he’s motivated to write and push through in his career. I think we all need motivating pushes at times in our lives. Oh also— this so g was recently used in an MMA match!!

https://youtu.be/3HMLme-2LHg

Then is #Sorry. This is my favorite— The sincerely spoken word itself is so healing and freeing.

#Fear.

Wow.

The Bible talks about how when we spiritually clean our house (NF’s #Mansion— his mind) then 7 more spirits (demons) will try to come back in. This video, lyrics and music all depict this so perfectly!

When tough things happen, so often our first instinct is to go back to what once felt comforting and safe.

But— when God delivers us, heals us and helps us move forward, we recognize that all those things from before— they were our mind’s, our heart’s, our life’s prison. They bound us and kept us from real freedom, actual peace of mind.

Please watch the video and also listen to the song:

https://youtu.be/lLFoLJIXayk

#WashedUp video:

https://youtu.be/Kyng8yYwvwg

This video and style of NF’s lyrics shows us the old cocky, confident NF. It reminds me of how recently I looked back at how I used to be, wanting to reconnect with what I remember actually liking about my past self— confidence, independence, not caring what anyone else thought.

Some good and negative things about that…

NF does such an amazingly thorough approach to allowing all his life, lyrics, creativity and talent— and his love/appreciation for God— be used as a reflecting mirror for us to look into internally while God applies His healing balm to all of our wounds.

Nf’s #realmusic reminds me to thank God for everything He has done— healing, restoring, replacing, defining—

I am so grateful for God’s willing vessels.

Break-down/Break-through/Reaction, NF Lyrics, reality

Can I Cry “Uncle”?? (NF Happy Reaction)

April 22, 2023March 7, 2024 jem

I’m not sure where to even start.

There are so many things this song and video have stirred up in me this past week.

The title of this blog just mirrors what I am realizing within myself—

Everything I have experienced— is there ever a point where I can scream out in agony — “Enough already!”?

Is there going to ever be a complete healing, or is God just going to have to keep gouging out the infected areas of so many deep wounds that reach far beneath the surface of my very essence and existence?

Is there going to be a “sometime” where I can expect full healing to just be complete?

I mean— before God takes my spirit to Heaven?

The lyrics— once again God has given NF the words I just can’t ever put together to fix the puzzle of my darkest days past.

“I got some traumas that I can’t forget…”

But I’m not allowed to talk about them.

I’ve never been allowed to talk about them.

And now that I’m older, I’m just supposed to continue on like they never happened— or they never affected me.

Come on.

It’s time to be real!

I’ve skirted so many issues over the years, even in here, because of this invisible jail cell of silence I’ve been “sentenced” to.

I grew up traumatized by a mentally ill dad.

Just like the wish from the little girl in the video, as she blew out her candles— I left every bit of that behind so I could walk into a new life, as I followed closely— desperately— after Jesus.

Jesus forged my path into surviving, and becoming a victor— no longer a victim.

The mental and emotional abuse, on their own were enough to destroy me— except for Jesus reaching down into my life when I was just 5 or 6.

The physical abuse was more than any child should ever have to bare— and I bore it completely alone— except for Jesus.

No one reached out to me to comfort me, no one apologized to me — ever— for what my dad stole from me, and the ways he hurt me.

No family member ever had my back, was in my corner, or placed me into safety.

When my dad tried to murder my mom on Mother’s Day— he beat her with the sides of his fists— no one talked me through the effects of that.

No one.

I saw what he did.

That little girl’s face in this video— that reflects me as a child so accurately!!

I don’t know probably the majority of things he did to my mom— because she refuses to talk about stuff with anyone.

Especially me.

My mom has always had an underlying hate and embarrassment for me— for as long as I can remember.

She was always at work.

I had no relationship with her, other than she worked to make sure we had necessities.

And I am grateful for that.

But— I was robbed of a healthy, Godly relationship with her.

So— watching this HAPPY NF video— and trying to get a firm grasp of the lyrics that draw blood with every point made— so many things I’ve coated the surface over screamed in agony.

God has delivered me from the PTSD of my childhood— but His healing continues to go deeper, and becomes more intricate each time He has to gouge outmore infections I didn’t even know are there.

Infections that keep healing from being thorough.

Infections only God can see, and His timing to remove them knocks the wind out of my spirit at times.

“Living in my agony, watching my self-esteem go up in flames…” “Truth is I don’t know who I’d be if I was happy…”

What exactly is happy, anyway?

I think it’s a mirage.

Like Paul, I have learned how to become content.

So— I may not smile, I may not be outgoing and talk easily with strangers, or even acquaintances.

I have too many experiences to have that sort of carefree freedom.

I did not escape the traumas of the first half of my life unscathed.

I still freak out inside when I think about the cougar that used my head as his chew toy when I was 7 or 8.

I still feel the deepest sadness that I will never have any sort of relationship with my parents that I see so many of my friends now have, or had.

“I have family that I just can’t connect with.”

That’s why I moved away.

If I hadn’t followed God to where I am now, I doubt I’d be alive today— or want to be.

I am so very thankful for the second half of my life where God redeemed me and He provided me with a path and the support I have needed to move forward.

No one else had ever had my back.

God always has.

I am who I am today because God picked me up and carried me through trauma after trauma.

He saved my life more than once.

He Saved my soul.

He listened to me, and I have no doubt He has wiped away my rivers of tears many times.

Where I have been failed time after time by the people in my life, God never fails me.

For that reason alone I am able to rejoice despite so many years of suffering.

Break-down/Break-through/Reaction, introspection, NF Lyrics, Walking With God

Pinpoints

March 19, 2023March 19, 2023 jem

For as long as I can remember, I have a deep intense need to be able to capture things important to me, and share them.

When I see an amazing sunset, or the always-changing beauty of the colors of the sea.

My picture taking lacks depth of those details.

If I learned to draw, could I learn skills that would help me capture fully what I see?

It’s the same for me with words.

How can I fully convey those things deep within my soul that have held me bound?

How do I explain what I know needs to be released?

I feel things so deeply!

Maybe that’s the product of so many years of feeling numbed by the painful things that shaped the first half of my life.

For so long I thought that meant something was wrong with me.

I was told that something was wrong with me.

I was treated as though I’m nothing but ridiculous and not to be taken seriously.

It has taken me several decades to move past that— to know they were wrong.

Sensitivity— sensitivity that God has carefully crafted within me—has plagued me so deeply at times, it feels like the wind is knocked out of my spirit.

Maybe others don’t experience this.

Maybe they do, but say nothing.

One thing I have learned is— if no one says anything, some people feel like they are alone in what they deal with internally.

If I can bring the internal turmoils, sensitivities and breath-stealing emotions to the surface— if I can capture them— maybe someone else will not feel alone anymore.

This describes how I felt years ago— but God has moved me on. (NF lyrics)

I have that same desperation to capture the things God focuses on within me as He continues to heal the deepest of inner wounds.

Only He knows these wounds, but everyone “sees” them— they just don’t recognize what they are.

They surface as my reactions or responses to things.

My physical body has reactions and responses to my diet.

My emotional instincts have a reaction or response to the environment around me.

My inner spirit has reactions and responses to so many external things that attempt to poke and prod at it.

Memories.

Words.

Experiences.

Relationships.

God.

The good news is that God continues to be deeply at work within me— where no one else can see — in my heart, my understanding, my reactions and responses!

I am healthy.

In my mind.

In my heart.

In my spirit.

In my body.

Gaining more and more of God’s health and perspective every day!

Maybe He will give me the abilities and the opportunities to capture and share all He continuously reveals to me.

I am unworthy— I know this better than any person.

I know where He rescued me from— the bottom of rock bottom.

The only direction I had to go was ⬆️.

✝️

This was my life!!!

There is so much in this post.

Hopefully it pinpoints exactly what God has done, and is continuously correcting, healing, repairing and perfecting in me.

I believe God created me to be an open book of where, how and why He is— and has been— at work in me.

I am nothing but a complete mess without Him.

Break-down/Break-through/Reaction, introspection, NF Lyrics, reality, The Past

Translucent— Paralyzed (Do You See Me Down Here, Oh Lord?)

November 24, 2022March 14, 2024 jem

Merriam-Webster defines translucent as:

“permitting the passage of light:

: transmitting and diffusing light so that objects beyond cannot be seen clearly

Clear, transparent

translucent water

: free from disguise or falseness”

I guess if I had a “theme” for my blog posts, this might be a defining term I’m aiming for.

I’ve been working my way through more NF songs, lately. Today, I have two on my heart.

The first one, I think it’s a deeply important one to address— “Paralyzed”. The second is the chorus from “Oh Lord”. (I think both can be a great mash-up.)

As the “Paralyzed” lyrics flow, they hit sensitive areas in my past that I buried or forgot about.

Oh, my God, thank You— he has described this lack of just everything— that I could never put a name to!!

I still have moments of this numb feeling, in certain social situations, I get struck with this— paralysis— NF has given it a name! I can define it! You have no idea how impactful and healing that is for me. If the “spotlight” focus of attention is on me— I still sometimes freeze up! When I leave social meetings, I sometimes have this weird ache— almost like that feeling when the numbness wears off at the dentist— in my chest. I feel vulnerable,

exposed.

I spent many of my youthful days going through the motions, disconnected from my emotions.

These lyrics transcend just words for me— they overwhelm my spirit with… I don’t really know what. Understanding, maybe? Relief?

I didn’t think anyone could ever understand. No one around me ever seemed to. But then— I was afraid to even ask, to talk about anything.

I just thought I was alone.

And then— I remember someone telling me they struggled with the same kind of eating issues that I did— and they gave it a name— Anorexia. I thought I had a friend I could identify with, that understood me. But— friendship with me wasn’t something she was interested in. In fact— she seemed annoyed that I had those problems too.

I was alone.

My whole life, all I ever wanted was to feel included, wanted, appreciated— valued.

Absorbing the lyrics from the NF song “Paralyzed”— they took me right back to those moments. Only, as I again felt them, I was also standing outside of it all, looking at it from a perspective of having been healed, or delivered, from the damage and circumstances that rendered me

detached.

I remember walking through my middle school hallways, realizing— I couldn’t feel anything.

I was emotionally numb.

I think that was when the self harm started for me.

I spent years hiding the scars on my arms and legs. They have faded, can’t be seen easily anymore, but I know exactly where they are.

When I wrote poems, I marveled over where the words even came from. I didn’t write thoughts I was meditating on, inspiration didn’t come from outer sources, dreams or conversations. I would wake up in the middle of the night, and I just had to write.

“Can You see us down here, Oh Lord?”

I wonder what I look like to God? I know all the encouraging words of Scripture— and I believe them.

I also know God sees what we can’t see or understand.

I think as the lyrics from “Paralyzed” grab my heart, make me catch my breath from overwhelming remembrance, understanding— and emotions I’m no longer detached from, flood all my senses— I see that God is outside of things, but He somehow still feels what we feel, He sees what we see— and so much more.

My world felt impossibly dark and devastating.

But God.

God’s Light has diffused the darkness my soul was held captive in. His Holy Light came into my life, and all that nasty darkness fled— Jesus set this captive free. He healed my heart and my life.

He restores my soul.

Daily.

As much as we often believe our childhood shapes and defines us— it’s not permanent. I believe that.

The damning, torturous grip that once had its hold on me, has been released.

God broke the fingers of that stronghold over my perception, that affected my decisions.

There are some who are in a similar place to where I was.

It can get better. Most often, circumstances aren’t permanent. There is nothing God cannot change, heal, repair, restore or improve.

You are not alone.

Nothing is too difficult for God.

“Intro:]
When did I become so numb?
When did I lose myself?
All the words that leave my tongue
Feel like they came from someone else

I’m paralyzed (Do You see me down here, oh Lord?) (Yeah, I’m just so paralyzed)
Where are my feelings? (Don’t You see me down here, oh Lord?) (Yeah, I’m just so paralyzed)
I no longer feel things (I have no feelings)
I know I should (Can You see me down here, oh Lord?) (Oh. How come I’m not moving? Why aren’t I moving? Ay yeah)
I’m paralyzed
Where is the real me? (Can’t You see me down here, oh Lord??) (Where is the real me?)
I’m lost and it kills me – inside (I’m paralyzed)

[Verse 1:]
When did I become so cold?
When did I become ashamed? (Ooh)
Where’s the person that I know?
They must have left
They must have left
With all my faith

[Verse 2:]
I’m paralyzed (Do You see me down here, oh Lord?)
I’m scared to live but I’m scared to die
And if life is pain then I buried mine a long time ago
But it’s still alive
And it’s taking over me – where am I? (Don’t You see me down here, oh Lord?)
I wanna feel something, I’m numb inside
But I feel nothing, I wonder why
And on the race of life time passes by
Look
I sit back and I watch it, hands in my pockets
Waves come crashing over me but I just watch ’em (Can You see me down here, oh Lord?)
I just watch ’em
I’m under water but I feel like I’m on top of it
I’m at the bottom and I don’t know what the problem is
I’m in a box (Can’t You see me down here, oh Lord?)
But I’m the one who locked me in
Suffocating and I’m running out of oxygen

[Outro]
Do You see us down here? Oh Lord
Can You see us down here? Oh Lord
Oh Lord, oh Lord
Can You see us? Can’t You see us down here? Oh Lord
Oh Lord, oh Lord
Can You see us? Can’t You see us?”

Break-down/Break-through/Reaction, introspection, NF Lyrics

Keeping It 100– Real

October 29, 2022March 19, 2023 jem

My youngest has become a superfan of NF. My whole family, I think, is a fan at some level, but my youngest, who is 11, surprises us sometimes by his choice in ringtones (Leave Me Alone!— NF song 😅), and what he has stored on his flip phone— mostly NF songs. The other day, he chose Therapy Session to play through the car radio. I asked him if he related to the words and felt like he needed therapy because of me, lol. He said “No.”

As I absorbed the impact of the words in the song, once again I was drawn into just how much they reflect my own heart. One phrase is “I was talking to fans
And one of them pulled me aside and said
“We never met but I swear that you know who I am
I been through a lot
I don’t know how to express it to people, don’t think that I can…”

Well, that’s me, for sure. I could have been that fan!

Another phrase jumped out at me, and has been bouncing around in my thoughts. It’s actually the inspiration for this post.

“This music” (my blog) “is not just for people who sit in the pews and pray at the churches
I’ve been rejected
I don’t expect everyone to respect it
I don’t expect you to get my perspective
What you expect from a therapy session, huh?”

“I mean, I think sometimes people they confuse what I’m doing
I write about life, I write about things that I’m actually dealing with
Something that I’m actually experiencing, this is real for me
Like this is something that personally helps me as well
I’m not confused about who gave me the gift
God gave me the gift, and he gave me the ability to do this…”

“And he also gave me this as an outlet…”

This is me here—

The experiences NF has shared in his music are NOT the same as mine— the reactions, emotions, and scarred-over-wounds— they often are the same.

You don’t walk away, sometimes run away, from the things I’ve lived through and some things I have done, without wounds— some very, very deep wounds. Most are now scars— but

even scars hurt sometimes.

While this is sometimes my type of therapy, I am open and honest in sharing here to possibly reach out to maybe even one person who needs soneone to step up along side them, and show someone really does understand.

That is always my intent here.

Always.

So, I am going to be misunderstood.

I am going to be “corrected”.

I am still going to be told I should write about “happy, positive things”.

I am going to be given advice I don’t need.

I am going to make some people uncomfortable.

I want to apologize, because that’s in my nature, but I won’t. Because this is how God made me.

I don’t need a therapist— I have God. God’s Holy Spirit is my counselor. His Word is my “self-help” book.

I have this blog to sort out things. To help me see things, to work through them.

I get it all out or my head and my heart, sometimes here, sometimes in prayer privately.

I have learned that how to let things go, to give them to God, is to NOT try to lock them in a dark closet, or sweep them under a rug.

To get them out into the open, to look at them fully, to examine the roots as much as possible, to confront them— to surrender them to Jesus.

And then I move on.

Sometimes I bring others into my process through my blog posts— but not always.

Sometimes it’s just between God and me.

But— you, whoever and wherever you are, are always welcome to look here to find understanding and hopefully some degree of God’s healing.

Everyone needs to be heard, to be understood— to be identified with.

That’s my intention— always.

I am not the perfect writer. I am not perfect in any way— ever.

I am just real.

Because that’s how God has made me to be.

http://www.absolutelyrics.com/lyrics/view/nf/therapy_session

“Yeah, I gotta say like a month ago
I was talking to fans
And one of them pulled me aside and said
“We never met but I swear that you know who I am
I been through a lot
I don’t know how to express it to people
Don’t think that I can but I got that mansion CD on rotation
That’s real for me Nate, you do not understand”
It’s crazy for me
Kids hit me up, say they slitting they wrists on the daily
This music is more than you think
Don’t book me for just entertainment, it’s entertaining
Hearing these parents, they telling their kids
My music is violent, you gotta be kidding me
I guess that your definition of violence and mine
Is something that we look at differently
How do you picture me ah?
Want me to smile, you want me to laugh
You want me to walk in the stage with a smile on my face
When I’m mad and put on a mask, for real though
I mean, what you expect from me?
I’m tryna do this respectfully
They say that life is a race
I know my problems’ll probably catch up eventually
I do my best to be calm
How you gon’ write me and tell me you slaughter my family?
That’s just a glimpse to the stuff that get sent to me
These the parts of my life that’ll never see, woo
I am aware it’s aggressive
I am not here for acceptance
I don’t know what you expect here
But what you expect when you walk in a therapy session?

Therapy, therapy session
Therapy, therapy session

This girl at the show looked me in the face
And told me her life’s full of drama
Said that her dad is abusive
Apparently he likes to beat on her mama
I got so angry inside
I wanted to tell her to give me his number
But what you gon’ do with it right?
You gon’ hit him up then he’ll start hitting her harder
That’s real
These kids, they come to my shows
With tears in they eyes
Imagine someone looking at you
And saying your music’s the reason that they are alive
Sometimes, I don’t know how to handle it
This type of life isn’t glamorous
This ain’t an act for the cameras
You see me walk on these stages but have no idea what I’m dealing with after it
I put it all in the open
This is the way that I cope with all my emotion
I’m taking pictures with thousands of people
But honestly, I feel like nobody knows me
I’m trying to deal with depression
I’m trying to deal with the pressure
How you gon’ tell me my music does not have a message
When I’m looking out at this crowd full of people I know I affected?
Ah, I got some things in my life, I know I should let ’em go
Let me jot it down, let me take a mental note
I put it all in this microphone, think about that for a minute
What is the point of this song, I’m just venting but what you expect from a therapy session?

Therapy, therapy session
Therapy, therapy session

What you think about me
That doesn’t worry me
I know I handle some things immaturely
I know that I need to grow in maturity
I ain’t gon’ walk on these stages in front of these people
And act like I live my life perfectly
That doesn’t work for me
Christian is not the definition of a perfect me, woo
I ain’t the type to be quiet
I ain’t gon’ sit here in silence
If I wouldn’t say what I say to your face
Then I promise you I wouldn’t say it in private
I am not lying
People go off on my page and I’m trying to quit the replying
But this is ridiculous
I’m passionate man, I really mean what I’m writing
You want me to keep it 100? Okay, I’ll keep it 100
I see a whole lot of talking on socials
But honestly, I don’t see nothing in public
I kinda love it, yeah
“Why don’t you write us some happy raps?
That would be awesome
All your music is moody and dark, Nate”
Don’t get me started
You wanna know what it’s like if you met me in person?
Listen to my verses
This music is not just for people
Who sit in the pews and pray at the churches
I won’t reject it
I don’t expect everyone to respect it
I don’t expect you to get my perspective
What you expect from a therapy session?

I mean, I think sometimes people they confuse what I’m doing
I write about life, I write about things that I’m actually dealing with
Something that I’m actually experiencing, this is real for me
Like this is something that personally helps me as well
I’m not confused about who gave me the gift
God gave me the gift and he gave me the ability to do this
And he also gave me this as an outlet
And that’s what music is for me
When I feel something, whether it’s anger
Um, it’s a passion about something, or frustration
Like this is where I go, this is, that’s the whole nfrealmusic thing man
This is real for me, I need this, this is a therapy for me”