Tag: God’s provision

Unexpected

One Anothering: When God Reaches Down

jem

Have you ever been preoccupied with something, and have God grab your attention with His overwhelming kindness?

It’s happening for me, right now.

I often wish I could capture the full beauty of a sunset or a rainbow.

Right now I want so much to capture the fullness of how God is working in me.

Sunday we went to watch Jesus Revolution

Loved it!!

As we were looking for seats, someone called out my name in complete surprise: “Jami?? Is that you?? You guys are still here??”

I was so surprised when I realized it was our previous pastor’s wife (also a pastor).

I want to say it was a completely happy surprise— but there is complicated history there, I won’t get into now. I love them like I love my complicated family.

But, I was happy— reserved a bit— but happy to talk with her.

We grabbed seats behind them, just a few minutes before the National Anthem started, so not much time to get settled and catch up a little.

As we watched the movie, a few pieces jumped out as reminders when we were congregation members of their church.

God had His hand in us meeting there, for sure!

As the movie ended and we started out of the theater, I was prepared to just say our goodbyes and go our separate ways.

She wanted to talk more.

We all— my husband, her husband, she and I, and two of our boys stood outside catching up more for maybe another 20 minutes.

I finally had to go sit down, my knee wasn’t enjoying standing.

She walked with me to my car, and then she asked if she could pray for my knee.

In the back of my mind, I had so many conflicts of interest— “What if God doesn’t want to heal my knee?” We’re supposed to meet someone and he’s waiting on us…” “She really wants to pray for me??”

I agreed, and she started to pray. She prayed for my knee to be healed, for my legs and my hips.

I have experienced God’s healing many, many times, in various ways.

This time I didn’t feel an overwhelming sensation. But— my knee stopped hurting. The stiffness eased up.

And it’s continuing to not hurt and not feel stiff.

I believe God will and definitely can heal me if He wants to.

But in that moment of her praying for me, I felt more of a burden for the guy waiting on us than for God to heal me.

Sitting here now, God brought that back to mind, and with that He has spoken to my spirit, “Your needs are important to Me, too.”

“You are important to me.”

Suddenly, emotionally overwhelmed, my mind flashed back to the times where I needed something but my need wasn’t valued by someone else.

My “importance”, I have always believed, was in being patient, and available for others— whenever possible and led by God— to help other people.

I have always felt I needed to be self-sufficient, (and have been humbled greatly by that being so limited over the last few years).

I have believed others are much more important than I am— to everyone.

My health has been improving steadily because of severe, necessary diet changes.

God led me to make those changes. He has been involved in my healing this entire journey.

I just thought He had already provided me with His help and healing through that.

But He has even more for me.

More healing.

More of Him in my life.

Through someone things have become so compiicated with.

I am unworthy of so much kindness from Him.

I am so thankful for His attentiveness towards me in so many ways though-out my life.

Proverbs 17:22
Verse Concepts
A joyful heart is good medicine,
But a broken spirit dries up the bones”

He is giving me joy!!

As He heals my body through education and proper diet— He is also healing my broken spirit.

I’m certain sone will read this and think either I don’t know what that means, or that I am exaggerating— I assure you, neither is the case.

God has been so deeply at work within me, for 3 decades, healing the deepest of wounds from the darkest of days.

And yet— He still completely, emotionally overwhelms me by taking a few minutes to have someone pray for complete healing of something I have become settled in just living with.

My God Shall Supply ALL of my needs!

And here’s my encouragement for you—

If He will supply all of mine— He most certainly will supply all of yours!

Walking With God

My Year Evaluation

jem

Happy New Year— 2022!!!

This past year has been a year of lots of t-words for me— transcendence, transition, transformation, timing, and now here is my testimony.

There were so many difficulties last year, and I had moments of overwhelming stress.

There are things I and others have been seeking God for, on my behalf, for more than a decade!

Things in my own personal world seemed upside down, far from where I believe God wants them to be.

My oldest son moved far away, I don’t think I have even fully processed that yet.

Then all of a sudden God provided the exact help I needed when I had nearly given up hope.

The heaviest burdens, after a time of working through them, were fully lifted off of me!!

I had seriously all but given up that God would ever help me with what felt like a crushing weight on my mind, my heart, my body and my strength.

I am now in the middle of a transformation that I do believe happened transcendentally, in God’s perfect transitional timing.

It is not completed— yet.

Stages are complete.

Step by step, in increments some may not even recognize as “progress”— I am continuously moving forward.

I am never, ever going back.

Never.

My mind is made up.

My heart knows what it wants.

God’s Spirit is leading me.

I have packed up my baggage and donated or thrown it out.

I am embracing the newness God has flung the door open wide to.

There is no walking back— there is only moving ahead— sometimes at my own pace, sometimes with a gentle nudge from God that encourages me out of my comfort zone.

I thank God. Without Him, I’d still be where I was this time last year— or worse.

Reality Check, Strong Woman

Managed

jem

My eyes are opening.

At least, they are trying to open.

They’ve started to open before, but then I shut them. Again.

Everything on the surface looks fine, looks good even.

But then something happens, and they start to open again.

In the past, just as they are beginning to focus, to recognize…

I am lulled back to sleep.

This time, I’m staying awake. I’m rubbing my blurry eyes so I can focus more clearly.

I’m making out a shape with some color..

I see…

I see control.

I am recognizing when I make any kind of decision without it being discussed and approved, I provoke the frustration and anger that guard control.

When I start to walk in my own decision making, and I begin to feel like my “old” self again, it creates an unbalance in the control system.

As soon as I begin to relax, to just enjoy, being refreshed and confident naturally— the beast begins to wake up, cranky from lack of control.

I see it now. Clearly. With eyes that are awake.

I recognize it.

I see the prison it has created.

It’s not unpleasant.

I’m not unprovided for.

But I’m not free.

My confidence is challenged.

I’m not encouraged to be at my best.

In fact, I recognize I am actually encouraged to not be my best.

I am often alone.

I am often drained of “will” power, exhausted, by reactions.

This is my own doing, for allowing this to overcome me.

The things that energize me are discouraged— subtly, yet effectively.

Being able to just relax and be myself is subverted by the lag of distraction, and the oh so subtle injection of unresponsive disapproval .

A hesitancy to respond.

An obvious attempt to squelch anticipation or even excitement.

Like a bug being squished as it’s headed in a specific direction with an intended purpose.

That’s my ability to make plans without lengthy discussion, or simply do something spontaneously and un-dissected.

My abilities are bogged down by lack of attention or acknowledgement.

My accomplishments are overlooked, or even torn down.

I have taken the path with the least friction, and just laid everything down— because— what’s the point?

But now I have my focus on it.

I see it.

The beast of control will be challenged, openly.

I want my “me” back.

I want my confidence back.

I want all of the appreciation, encouragement, and full support I’ve poured in to now be reciprocated.

I’m not ok with being managed.

Not anymore.

Ephesians 5:13-14 “But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light. For this reason it says, “Awake, sleeper, And arise from the dead, And Christ will shine on you.”

A Mom's Perspective, An Honest Perspective, Christian Thoughts, God's Heart, Walking With God

180 Into Momhood

jem

red carnation

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It started with a carnation.

Just over 20 years ago I walked into my church service on Mother’s Day Sunday. A divorced Airman, stationed in Japan, I assumed everyone knew my status. But a boy handed me a red carnation, my favorite flower. I started to give it back, saying I wasn’t a mom, and he told me not to worry about it. I could keep it.

As I went to find my seat, I saw a friend who was a mom. I told her I felt bad for keeping the flower, and she said, “Don’t. It’s a promise from God that you will one day become a mother.”

A few years before that day, I nearly made an appointment to have surgery so I wouldn’t have children. I had a sad, awful childhood, and I didn’t want to bring kids into this world full of such ugly hatred for innocence and vulnerability. A friend talked me out of it.

Today I have 4 children. Each one carried and formed within my body. Their lives are so different from how mine was.

The change to motherhood began in my heart, a seed desiring children was planted the day I received that carnation. I wasn’t in a relationship, but I began looking into adoption options. I pondered the future, thought of ways I could include a child. I thought I’d be a single mom. I believed I’d never find a man I could trust to be the father of my children. I refused to have children with the  man who divorced me because I did not trust him.

God did a work in my heart that caught me off guard. I don’t know how or when He made the changes. I made a list of 50 things I believed I’d find in the man He would bring into my life, if He wanted me to remarry.

Months passed. I forgot about the list I had written. I was introduced to a guy, and we started walking and talking together. We went to church together. It wasn’t long before I found the forgotten list. I could check off 46 out of the 50 things, and I recognized evidence of God at work on the 4 things unchecked. A short time after, he asked me to marry him.

I said yes!

The next year and a half was a jumble of long distance, high phone bills, separation anxieties, misunderstandings, making up, praying together, wedding preparations, family frictions, and finally we were together as man and wife. During that long year and a half, God spoke to my heart about the promise of a daughter, and He gave me her name. Deborah.

I got pregnant immediately after rejoining with my new husband.

It was not an easy pregnancy. I had awful morning sickness, and a terrible rash some first time moms carrying girls got… I knew that child was fulfillment of God’s promise of a daughter. Everyone thought I was carrying a boy, but I knew she was a girl.

My water broke 30 days before she was due to be born. She was a tiny 5 pounds 8 ounces. Then she lost a full pound the first week. Our first two weeks together were the hardest I have ever endured. I was fighting to keep her alive. She slept all the time, nursed constantly. I was sore, tired, scared… I had no family nearby to get help from. There were ladies at our church that supported me and prayed for us, and I know God used them to help me continue.

When my daughter was born, my mom-hood was born as well.

I went from fighting as a survivor from my own circumstances, to loving a tiny human who was part of me and yet separate– loving her so much I could feel my heart tearing to be able to fit more love inside of it.

With each child, my heart has stretched and broken apart to fit even more love inside of it. The eye can’t see that, but I have felt every tug, pull and tear. Each child and I have our own story, our own bondings, as well as our own conflicts.

God has been incredibly good to me. He fulfilled His promise and gave me so much more! He provided me with a safe, healthy environment to raise my own children, with a man who selflessly displays so many of God’s characteristics.

I am indescribably thankful that God helped me find my way on to a different life course than I started out on.

 

 

 

American, Christian Thoughts, Walking With God, What life has taught me

When I Say “Food”, You Say…

jem

CutestFood_com_12It’s hard to stop pre-thinking about what I am about to read, as I blog-hop. So, let’s all just take a moment to close our eyes, and clear the thoughts ready to pounce as the words here are read.

I’ve been thinking about food today, and medical problems, and possible connections between them. I’ve had a lot of blood work done lately. So much so, that I now refer to the phlebotomist as the medical vampire. I’ve been questioning whether some of my problems are caused by what I eat.

That got me to wondering: when you think of food, what is the first thing that comes to mind? I wouldn’t be surprised if for the majority of Americans, it’s calories, fat, or weight gain.

I don’t think we have a healthy mindset about food.

We fret, we stress, we avoid, we burn, we ban, we purge, we omit, we decorate, we make scents of it…

But do we really make sense of it?

Our body needs food. That’s the one fact about food none of us can dispute. It’s the fuel our bodies are designed to function from. Do we have a healthy relationship with it?

There are certain foods our bodies have been designed around. No matter what, we need water. We need protein. We need certain salts to keep it in balance. We need minerals and vitamins. We need fiber.

It’s not supposed to be about avoiding, and focusing on counting calories. It’s supposed to be about relaxing and enjoying what the earth produces to nourish us.

Babies draw comfort from their mothers as they are nourished by their mothers. I think, there is nothing wrong with finding some amount of comfort in eating what’s good for us.

There are plenty of examples of celebration feasts in the Bible. God provided the nourishment needed as Jesus fed the 10,000 with the Word of God – Spiritual food, that our bodies have been designed to need to function in a healthy manner.

So. What do you think of when the word food is mentioned?