Saul— before God gave him the new name of Paul— struggled with being angered by those he believed were blasphemous towards God.
So much so he had several followers of Jesus Christ killed.
After extreme measures by God to get his full, repentant, attention, God redeemed him.
Paul became sosubmitted to God, He entrusted his life and his death to Him. He feared nothing because he knew he was experiencing what he himself deserved after all he had done to others before Jesus saved him.
Maybe the mentioned mysterious thorn in his side was his knowing what he had done— knowing that he, “the chief of sinners” (as he called himself)— was undeserving— disqualified—because of his earthly actions. But God CHOSE to look past that, to forgive him and redeem him and use him to become a pillar of wisdom, knowledge, love, mentorship and leadership for us all. Still today through God’s Word, Paul is being used to bring freedom, healing, wisdom, knowledge, redemption, God’s forgiveness, and lasting fruit of God’s Holy Spirit.
Grace.
Peace.
Kindness.
Patience.
Love.
Self control.
Everything Good thing that comes from God.
During Moses’s early life, he was set apart. He chose to suffer with his people, rather than indulge in the lifestyle he had been placed within. He chose God rather than submit to the leadership of the wealthy, earthly kingdom family even as he had been taken in as their own. He forsook Egypt, unafraid because of his faith in the Eternal God of his true people. Through faith he practiced, faithfully, the purposed traditions of his birth people, the Israelites. (Hebrews 11:23-29)
And yet— Moses killed a man— but God still chose to use him, chose to redeem his actions, to save His people. He did something unthinkable— yet God used him to part the red sea to set God’s people free from being slaves to the Egyptian government— the Israelites were some the world’s first examples of human trafficking.
God looks out for those who are mistreated— He rescues them— though we may not always recognize that’s what He’s doing. He uses us— as we submit fully to Him— to do so.
He cares.
He rescues.
He redeems.
He gives purpose.
He told Moses not to strike the rock with anger, but to speak to the rock— and He had His reasons. Maybe because speaking to that was metaphoric for God speaking to our rock-hard hearts. Or maybe because Moses had such a temper, he scared others and they didn’t feel safe with him. Because of Moses’s temper getting out of control with whiny, complaining— scared and unbelieving— Israelites, Moses lost His opportunity to enter the earthly promised land God gave to the Israelites.
But— Moses is one that was “seen” with Jesus on the Mount of Transfiguration— Mount Tabor (Luke 9:28-36).
If we look through the lens of these two fallible, messed-up men— we get a pair of example-binoculars to seeGod through.
These two “fathers” of Faith.
My own earthly father suffered from uncontrolled anger. (If I’m honest— we all suffered from his uncontrollable anger.) To this day I still react out of the “conditioning” I learned from just trying to not make my dad mad. In my own adult life I have offered to take the blame— be the scapegoat— in order to prevent someone else from having to suffer the consequences of someone else’s anger. Because that’s what I was forced to do as a kid. I was terrified of my dad’s anger— the actions that came out of that enraged condition.
I can imagine how terrified the Israelites could have been as Moses displayed anger— rage— on the few occasions we have on record in God’s Word. I can also imagine their hearts turning hard as rocks towards God because of the anger His chosen vessel displayed towards them!! When my brother and I complained or fought in the backseat of my dad’s car, he would reach back and smack us hard. I don’t think Moses ever struck the Israelites— but he broke the tablets of Commandments He wrote out while He was in that physical and spiritual high place communing one-on-one with God Himself. How scary that must have been— even though they certainly provoked Moses to react in anger. Moses hit the rock, out of anger provoked by afraid, lack-of-faith Israelites, when God specifically told him to **speak** to it in order to bring forth water for the Israelites in the desert to drink. Moses got angry because the Israelites were mirroring his own lack of self control— but rather than confront that with God’s directed way— he reacted from his own flesh reaction.
I used to struggle with anger. Anger born out of fear— anger I mirrored from what I had witnessed from my earthly dad.
When I gave my life entirely to God, He set me apart so far from my old life, He moved me across the world. He removed me from a toxic environment that most likely would have somehow killed me by now.
He has chipped away at everything that instilled anger that used to burn constantly at a low “heat” within my heart. He has tamped that down and instead He has stoked His love and concern for others as He built a new kind of fire within my heart of hearts.
It’s something He fans, the flames swell and flicker from the breezy winds of His Holy Spirit within me, outside of me or my control.
Out of the ashes of the fruit of anger, He has caused His purpose to become the fruition of my life.
I’m no Moses or Paul, or any named person written in God’s Word for us.
Have you ever watched someone restore a damaged painting? I find it fascinating, the level of dedication, determination and affection the one restoring it demonstrates. The knowledge of every painted stroke, the understanding of what and how— tedious work, for sure.
Have you ever heard a song that grabs your soul’s focus almost immediately?
“I was a wretch. I remember who I was. I was lost, I was blind, I was running out of time.”
I instantly remembered.
In the midst of everything I have going on in my life, everything I am struggling with, all I am endeavoring to push through and overcome, I was instantly transferred right back to that moment my soul heard Him call my name and tell me to turn and follow Him.
My life was the messiest of messes. I was being crushed against my rock-bottom.
He saw me. He reached into my soul, He called my name. My name. He knew myname.
He gently helped me to my feet. He patiently cleaned off all the smudges, He worked out all the mars in the clay of my foundation. He tended carefully, lovingly to the tears, the worn spots from the misuse, the abuse, of others who didn’t know how to properly care for me.
He looked into the depth of my soul, found all that is of value to my Creator. He applied the Blood to every detail.
He Saved me for Eternity, He rescued me with the redemptive relationship no one on earth deserves.
I haven’t deserved such Divine, Perfect attention.
He gave it to me freely, liberally— permanently.
I never have to go back. I have continuously walked forward. Sometimes I’ve crawled, and at times I have danced with Him.
My beautiful Savior.
It’s beyond just His love for me.
He sees me— all of me. He knows me better than anyone ever can.
In our culture of Christianity, it’s become easy to sing our promises and confessions of faith.
Do we follow through? When the service is over, do we reflect on the weighty words we’ve sung in praise, adoration and promise to our God?
I can’t say, with a clear conscience, that I have.
When I sing about surrendering it all to God, and beg Him in song to “take it all”, do I really know what I’m asking of Him— what I’m giving to Him?
Lately I have been playing Animal Crossing with my kids and husband. I have this neighbor— Buck— the “neigh”bor that annoys me the most. He’s brash, loud, yells in my character’s face, and he sneezed on her. I mean— the nerve! Lol! In real life, I wouldn’t want a neighbor like that. So, I’ve been trying to get him to want to move away. I give him boots, which he always hands back, saying he doesn’t want my trash.
My point in sharing that is— God *does* want our trash. He wants the worst parts of us— the things we dislike about ourselves, the stuff we hide from everyone else.
He wants our broken hearts. He wants our ugly, horrible thoughts. He wants that anger that seemingly comes out of nowhere. He wants those feelings that cause us to do exactly what we hate…
He wants our trash.
Because then He can make us better. He can make us stronger. He can repair the broken pieces of our hearts and lives. He can calm the storm that rages in our emotions. He can help us see things clearly, without worry, fear or distortion.
But, we have to freely give them to Him. He won’t just take them. He is never forceful with us.
When things are changing, like life constantly seems to do, and tense moments take over our reactions and thoughts, our tongue can be our worst enemy. The phrase from Scripture in Proverbs 18:21 “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit”, has been echoing through my thoughts all day.
It’s honestly a pretty rare thing for my husband and I to fight, I mean really fight. We snap on occasion, we argue, we disagree, but for the most part we don’t really fight. So, this past weekend while we are both going through so much in our own emotions about this whole stressful moving process, well, we got into an argument, and then a full on fight. And I realized: fighting with my best friend really just sucks.
I have been aware for sometime of the necessity to build others up because the world is constantly tearing us all down. And, sadly, it’s not just the “world”. It’s those closest to us who know our vulnerabilities, and in that heated moment of arguing, swoop down and sink their words into the jugular of our trust in them. Seriously. Who doesn’t get into an argument and fight with every motivation of doing or saying everything possible to “win”?
It’s hard to rise above our tempers. It’s hard to forgive so things don’t build up.
Ephesians 4:26 says, “”In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry…” Anyone who knows me, knows that when there is a conflict, I try to talk things out both as soon as possible, and as thoroughly as possible. And, those who value me and any sort of relationship with me, they talk with me and pray with me. Because we cannot live at peace with someone when we are hurt or angry, and I sincerely do my very best to not ever let the sun go down on my anger, because then the sinning comes in the form of mean thoughts, hardness of heart towards the person things are unresolved with, all sorts of things. My mind and emotions become the Devil’s playground, and I don’t want the Devil anywhere near my thoughts or emotions.
I have lived and learned: no good comes from harboring anger or not acknowledging it. It leads to the death of relationships. It leads to the death of dreams. It leads to the death of being effective for Christ in our everyday lives.
There is no “winning” when there is death because of what we say and/or how we say it.
My daughter’s youth Pastor had her group do an activity where they hammered a nail through a piece of wood. Then he talked about how that wood was damaged. Sure the nail could be removed, but there would still be a hole. Then he told them that’s what our words can do. You can say something , and even apologize, but it still makes a “hole”. You cannot take back your words.
Atunci când burniţa descurajării mă îngrozeşte, fă ca viaţa mea spirituală să înflorească.. fă să dispară ceaţa groasă care îmi învăluie fiinţa întreagă ! Fii Tu Soarele neprihănirii care să strălucească !
Jemtree's Heart 