Tag: Grace

introspection, NF Lyrics, Past and Present, reality, Walking With God

My Review Of The Last 2 Weeks— And Introspection Of NF’s Latest Music Drops

jem

My family started this cool thing where at the start of each week, they share a review of the previous week. Each of them highlight different points and topics, and one of them added a songs-of-the week point— which I just love!

Music is my heart language.

It’s not often I feel I have much of interest to share. They are all brilliant, and talented and have interesting, deep and fun perspectives.

I often don’t. My life is pretty simplified, kind of just a wash-rinse-wring out-repeat cycle— which is maybe just what I need for this season I am in right now.

If you know me, at all, then you know NF music is like a mirror for me to reflect on and God to apply His healing balm through.

So— I thought since the last few days have been absorbing his newest lyrical and visual concepts— I’ll make that my weekly review— in my own blog post style.

Maybe someone else can benefit or will get introduced to some of the best lyrics and music that have ever been on the planet.

Maybe no one will read this at all.

Either way is fine— it just helps me get things out of my head in a thorough and organized way.

The EP— #FEAR— has 6 new gems.

The first song, Fear, also has a video— not for the faint of heart, and will not at all be understood by anyone who doesn’t know NF’s story.

So I’ll just go song by song:

The order is Fear, Home, Who I Was (featuring MGK), Give Me A Reason, Sorry (featuring James Arthur) and Washed Up.

I’m gonna go a little out of order and save the two videos ones for last.

https://youtu.be/ZIS_XyU87xU

Starting with #Home. (please listen) Spoilers— I think he recently lost someone close to him. This song— man— my grandma was my life root! When I lost my grandma, (2007) and I wasn’t able to go to her funeral, well— it hit me so deeply that the loss still echos in my heart. NF, no surprise, hit everything so perfectly— I feel his pain, I remember so vividly my own experiences through the movie he paints with his words and music (no video). I have cried SO MUCH the last few days— like I just lost her, and yet there is that amazingly profound reminder— she just has a new home now!!

https://youtu.be/qrOUAq4Vp2g

#WhoIWas— at first, I was caught off-guard by MGK’s style. I have not heard him before this, but his lyrics are pretty good. The more I listen, the more I get it. When NF comes in— he starts hitting facts that I experienced self-regulating anger and frustration— I think everyone can relate on some level! Hope my kids don’t turn out like me… I won’t do it justice in my description— you just seriously need to listen for yourself.

https://youtu.be/3HMLme-2LHg

#GiveMeAReason— Fun hype song!! He wants someone to make him mad—give him a reason— so he’s motivated to write and push through in his career. I think we all need motivating pushes at times in our lives. Oh also— this so g was recently used in an MMA match!!

https://youtu.be/3HMLme-2LHg

Then is #Sorry. This is my favorite— The sincerely spoken word itself is so healing and freeing.

#Fear.

Wow.

The Bible talks about how when we spiritually clean our house (NF’s #Mansion— his mind) then 7 more spirits (demons) will try to come back in. This video, lyrics and music all depict this so perfectly!

When tough things happen, so often our first instinct is to go back to what once felt comforting and safe.

But— when God delivers us, heals us and helps us move forward, we recognize that all those things from before— they were our mind’s, our heart’s, our life’s prison. They bound us and kept us from real freedom, actual peace of mind.

Please watch the video and also listen to the song:

https://youtu.be/lLFoLJIXayk

#WashedUp video:

https://youtu.be/Kyng8yYwvwg

This video and style of NF’s lyrics shows us the old cocky, confident NF. It reminds me of how recently I looked back at how I used to be, wanting to reconnect with what I remember actually liking about my past self— confidence, independence, not caring what anyone else thought.

Some good and negative things about that…

NF does such an amazingly thorough approach to allowing all his life, lyrics, creativity and talent— and his love/appreciation for God— be used as a reflecting mirror for us to look into internally while God applies His healing balm to all of our wounds.

Nf’s #realmusic reminds me to thank God for everything He has done— healing, restoring, replacing, defining—

I am so grateful for God’s willing vessels.

Past and Present

New Creation In Christ Jesus

jem

As I sit here thinking, not just of this past year, but of all my nearly 56 years of life— I can see God has been rearranging some things. He’s been healing. He’s been digging deep, removing some junk. He’s planted some things that He’s watered, nurtured, and pruned. He’s given me hindsight— from high places, yes. He’s lifted me up. He’s held me up. He’s protected me where I’ve been left unprotected by everyone else. He’s understood me.

He never left me.

He never turned His back on me.

He has never attacked me.

He has never, ever, let me down.

He has taught me to trust Him so much that I can be confident in His provision, His protection, His guidance, His covering, His redemption— even His value of me.

Others who have known me, don’t really know me as He knows me.

Family remembers me as I was when they last saw me— over 30 years ago for most of them, even longer for others.

Most of them “know” the me from before God began removing the mars, healing the bumps, bruises and some deeply embedded wounds, I acquired along my way. Some “know” the me that God was working deeply to change, and still digging out some ugly, yucky things that don’t belong in His new creation of me.

I am different now.

I don’t handle things the same way.

I don’t have the same weaknesses that I did, the same faults— mostly.

I’m not filled with anger or rage at my pain-filled past, or those who either hurt me or left me unprotected. I don’t lash out, or breakdown in uncontrollable tears.

I‘m not numb anymore.

I no longer feel obligated to continue in relationships with others who aren’t kind, who still view me through whoever they have believed me to be, but cannot see who I actually am.

I am a new creation in Christ Jesus.

I am still learning how to drive this new model of me. I make mistakes, I’ve referred to the instructions from the prior model of me far too often— but they don’t ever work accurately.

I don’t have to protect myself, but I also don’t have to allow myself to be close to those who can’t recognize that I’m a new creation in Christ Jesus.

I can drive away from the old me and those who would try to force me back into those labeled boxes they believe I should still be in.

I’m not ever going back into those.

Not ever.

I love what God has done in me. I love what He is still doing in me. It has not been easy or pleasant at times, don’t misunderstand. But— He ALWAYS has His best interest for me— which really is also my best interest for me— at heart and purpose.

I’m probably going to be learning to “drive” this newer model of me for the rest of my life— thankfully I have His Word, His Holy Spirit, and people who know the now me. Anyone trying to lock me back into the past idea they had of me,— including pastors— they aren’t allowed to get or stay very close to me any longer.

I’ll pray, I’ll listen if they need to talk, but I won’t let them try to drag me backwards.

I no longer believe I belong under the feet of their opinions of me. I no longer believe I have to defend who I am or what I believe to anyone who will never believe any of it, anyway.

I am not the manifestation of anyone’s opinion or belief of who I am.

I am who God has changed me to be.

I am His.

He makes me strong.

He gives me purpose.

He holds me— some days He has to hold me up.

He is the Great Physician of my spirit, my heart, my soul, my mind, and everything else.

I will never have to defend myself against His misunderstanding of my words, deeds or intentions.

That is so freeing!!

That is so peaceful.

In my lifetime where peace was such a foreign thought for me in parts— peace has become all encompassing. It now both consumes and guards me. Lack of peace becomes my warning system in times of trouble. God now unleashes peace in ways and situations that without Him past me couldn’t have thrived.

I am new.

I am changed.

By the Grace of God— I am His.

reality

My Heart— Thin and Stretched

jem

Back in the early years of our marriage, my husband and I began collecting trading cards for The Lord of the Rings board/card game.

The only card I really remember was called Thin and Stretched. It was a condition put on the Frodo or Sam card to limit its usefulness, and try to get it removed from the game.

Why, you might wonder, do I remember just this particular card?

Well, I have often identified with how it’s defined.

Life tends to do that to me.

Relationships do that to me.

My health and my body do that to me, too.

The last few weeks my heart has definitely been stretched, and in some instances maybe thinned as well.

It was so filled with joy and contentment while all of my kids and their spouses got to visit.

It has been soooooooo stttrrreeeeetched by those visiting having to go back to their far away homes.

Then several other people moved away.

One of my dearest friends moved away yesterday.

And God took my mom-in-law Home to be with Him…

I miss her.

😭

I miss my friend.

I miss my students that had to move.

It’s like God purged out many of the people I care most about, while He gave me special time with my kids and their spouses that live way too far away.

I’ve decided to be nice to me and take some time to adjust and heal, let the sadness be wrung out with a little set-apart time.

Ow!

❤️‍🩹

I can feel that temptation to avoid this pain happening again, that temptation to isolate myself, to build walls to keep the hurt of people leaving again away.

But I’ve decided that, instead, I’ll retreat for a bit, dust myself off, and find new people to let in to my heart, for however long God lets them be close.

God has made my heart malleable— able to be stretched thin, filled, emptied— like a new wineskin that won’t easily break.

Hard to believe now that I used to have a heart like stone, from abuse and mis-use.

God has truly worked His miracles and healing in me.

reality, Strong Woman

Mess— What You See Is Not What You Get

jem

I’m not what anyone would call a “put together” person.

Hot mess doesn’t even define me— just mess.

Messy.

Messed-up…

No matter how much I fight this exhausting battle of imperfection— in me and in my living space— I have yet to conquer this.

Not dirty.

Cluttered.

My space is too small for all I have.

Don’t get me started on “downsizing”.

And please don’t offer me suggestions or advice.

Just

Don’t.

I have always been sensitive about this issue.

Ashamed.

Frustrated.

Rejected.

Talked about…

Today I choose to embrace the facts.

I’m not like everyone else.

I’m not like anyone else.

I never will be.

Talking with my husband last night, he reminded me—

I have had a lot of experiences.

Experiences no one else has.

Things that— literally— nearly killed me.

Physical, emotional, mental

Traumas.

I am done apologizing for what so many see with their eyes and their opinions— as wrong with me.

I do what I can.

I face mind-numbing overwhelm.

I have stared that down many times.

Sometimes it wins.

Lately though— I win.

So my house has “stuff”.

There are reasons that will never matter to my critics.

They don’t care about my “why’s”

They just care about their preferred ways— how things “should” be.

I have struggled with being lost in a sea of opinions by sight or “first impressions”.

Very few people have taken the time look past, ignore, or focus on person me.

I am not my house.

I am not just a mess.

I am a survivor.

I am a fighter.

I am thriving in increasing health as my body heals from the inside out.

I am many testimonies of God saving, protecting, healing, repairing, changing—

I am the me that God has created.

If you only know me by the imperfect nature of appearance and/or my house—

You have completely missed it— missed me.

That really is your loss.

Purpose of Church, Walking With God

Grace and Forgiveness— My Expectations of ALL Christians

jem

Have you ever dealt with a Christian who refuses to demonstrate Grace, refuses to extend forgiveness?

I have.

That sting is worse than the death of a loved one.

Jesus was so clear when He told the Disciples that if we don’t forgive others, Father God will not forgive us.

This is such a big deal for our Salvation.

Enormous.

Eternal Life altering.

I believe this is the main obstacle causing the need for us to walk in fear and trembling down our narrow road towards our Salvation.

The two defining trademarks of Christianity are Grace and Forgiveness.

Grace and Forgiveness are the refreshing water our spirits thirst for. They cut through the hardest of hearts like water cuts through and wears down the hardest, sharpest of rocks.

No other religion practices those two things. When practiced carefully, they create this amazing domino effect of all the other attributes of Christ becoming part of our spiritual growth to become more like Him.

For ALL have fallen short— God forgives everyone who becomes appreciative and accepting of His forgiveness through the death, resurrection, and then Ascendance of Jesus.

God Forgives.

God demonstrates Grace.

Who are we that we would refuse to do the same?

I will not remain where Grace and Forgiveness are not freely demonstrated towards me from anyone claiming to be Saved.

Why?

Because that is so toxic, that puts my own Salvation at risk. That affects my relationship with God— because in my anger I may fall into that same sin of unforgiveness.

I choose to walk in Grace.

I choose to walk in Forgiveness.

I know my true brothers and sisters by their own fruit of Grace and Forgiveness.

Not vindictiveness.

Not hardness of heart.

Not mean spiritedness.

Grace.

Forgiveness.

There is a sin that grieves the Holy Spirit.

I believe that sin is Unforgiveness.

It sure grieves my own spirit.

As much as someone has hurt me, and i have had many, many opportunities to practice forgiveness to unforgiving, ungracious Nonbelievers— but lack of Grace and Forgiveness from a Believer is what I willfully choose to walk away from.

When Grace and Forgiveness are extended to me in a Christlike manner, I will return. Until then— I have to protect my own Salvation with fear and trembling to keep myself from my own heart hardening in Unforgiveness.

Then that peace that passes by all earthly understanding of how peace is even possible, will flood my soul.

I pray that same peace will flood their soul, cut through hardness of heart, wash away jealousy and disappointment— and heal what I believe God wants to make beautiful.

🎵”I walk Salvation’s road, with fear and trembling Your way borne as my own As Christ is formed in me If ever I should lose my way If ever I deny Your grace Remind me of the price You paid Hallelujah I’ll live in remembrance…”🎵 Remembrance— Hillsong

God's Heart, Walking With God

I Remember Who I Was

jem

Have you ever watched someone restore a damaged painting? I find it fascinating, the level of dedication, determination and affection the one restoring it demonstrates. The knowledge of every painted stroke, the understanding of what and how— tedious work, for sure.

Have you ever heard a song that grabs your soul’s focus almost immediately?

This song, Thank You Jesus For The Blood , has done that to me, from the very first line.

“I was a wretch. I remember who I was. I was lost, I was blind, I was running out of time.”

I instantly remembered.

In the midst of everything I have going on in my life, everything I am struggling with, all I am endeavoring to push through and overcome, I was instantly transferred right back to that moment my soul heard Him call my name and tell me to turn and follow Him.

My life was the messiest of messes. I was being crushed against my rock-bottom.

He saw me. He reached into my soul, He called my name. My name. He knew my name.

He gently helped me to my feet. He patiently cleaned off all the smudges, He worked out all the mars in the clay of my foundation. He tended carefully, lovingly to the tears, the worn spots from the misuse, the abuse, of others who didn’t know how to properly care for me.

He looked into the depth of my soul, found all that is of value to my Creator. He applied the Blood to every detail.

He Saved me for Eternity, He rescued me with the redemptive relationship no one on earth deserves.

I haven’t deserved such Divine, Perfect attention.

He gave it to me freely, liberally— permanently.

I never have to go back. I have continuously walked forward. Sometimes I’ve crawled, and at times I have danced with Him.

My beautiful Savior.

It’s beyond just His love for me.

He sees me— all of me. He knows me better than anyone ever can.

reality

The End Of The World

jem

Chaos. This is the idea being pushed all around us. Urgency. Fear. We are surrounded by this, wherever we look. The news. Family and friends. The medical community.

We can’t escape the chaos.

Or— can we?

There’s a newer song with a verse that says, “The atmosphere is all around. The Spirit of The Lord is here. The atmosphere is changing now. For the Spirit of The Lord is here” Here as in Heaven

While everything around us wants to immerse us in chaos— God remains outside of it all.

How can we get outside of it, as well?

When we pray, when we commune with Almighty God, we turn our backs to it all. Much like Jesus who was so outside of the chaos, He slept on the boat. Fear did not touch Him or cause Him to react. But those He loved panicked, and woke Him to change the atmosphere. He was outside of that fear, but He changed it— told that storm— “Peace. Be still.”

And the atmosphere obeyed.

When I read and remember Scripture— Jesus will be returning once again, to rule and reign for 1000 years. Will every person be dead? Will only His haters survive?

No.

So, that means all the chaos caused by fear pushed by media, by political viewpoints, by climate change purveyors— none of that will affect the second coming of Christ.

So why get caught up in it all?

Why let the media convince us to be afraid, worried, to hate people who aren’t persuaded by their narratives?

Why?

We can turn our backs to it all.

We can trust Jesus. We can lean on Jesus.

We can rest in Him.

If God is not moved by it all, why should we be?

We can throw our hands up in surrender to Him, release it all, and confess to Him we have allowed our emotions, words and actions to be manipulated by the pushed chaotic ideas of the day, and release it all to Him.

Because He holds our entire world inside of His hands.

He does not cause the chaos.

He does not get involved in the chaos.

He remains outside of the chaos.

I’m trying to kneel there at His feet, and stay outside of it with Him.

It’s so peaceful and clear outside of the storm.

Or, should we also panic and beg Him to calm this storm?

I personally believe there is a reason— this is the season— for this storm.

I’d rather wait it out while spending the time with Him in His Presence— under the shelter of His wing. I can breath here. I can rest. I can rejoice in Him.

Outside of the chaos, with Jesus— that’s the very best place to be.

Reality Check

Challenging Narratives

jem

Ephesians 2:8 “For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; 9 not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.” NASV

My husband had a conversation with someone dear to us that has inspired me to work through some thoughts I’ve kind of held on to for awhile now. I say kind of, because I’ve shared them with him but no one else.

I want to talk about grace– actually– point out a lack of the narrative of grace.

Grace is the difference between Christianity and every other religious belief.

Grace is humbling. Grace removes our efforts from the act of Salvation.

Grace should be easy to demonstrate and practice, a relaxation of criticism and fault-finding. But, in reality, grace is tough.

Grace removes blame. Grace replaces pride and self importance.

Grace removes accusations of other Christians.

We have many, many, many excuses for why it’s not first and foremost in our mindset, actions and view of others.

We look at what others do and we jump to some pretty strong conclusions about them and the condition of their soul, because of their choices that we don’t agree with.

We judge the container of their soul and think we’re in the right.

Only Jesus Saves.

Not doing the “right” “approved” things.

Not going to every church service possible and exhausting ourselves while not being ministered to or admitting what our needs are.

Not having a perfect house.

Not only reading “accepted” books or playing “accepted” games.

We don’t lose our Salvation by watching movies or shows that have garbage in them.

Our part in the Salvation process is confessing with our mouth that Jesus is Lord and Savior, and believing in our heart that He died on the cross, was buried in a borrowed tomb, rose again on the third day, and He ascended into Heaven to wait for the time to return to rule and reign on earth for 1000 years. And then– go out and share the Gospel of peace and grace.

That is our part.

Jesus makes the changes to the desires of our hearts.

He is continuously perfecting us until His return.

Allow me to clarify: I’m not talking about outright sin. Some things are not in our best interest. Some things are stumbling blocks and we know what we need to avoid in order to have the best relationship with Jesus that we can– like we should also do with others.

Before every Christian there is a measure of grace.

Christians should be so full of grace that it coats every word and deed we do.

So– why isn’t the main narrative grace?

Which narrative will you fall for? Accuser of the brethren, or grace?

I want to choose grace.

How about you?